HomeMoviesDolittle Trailer Reaction: The Horror, the Horror

Dolittle Trailer Reaction: The Horror, the Horror

Courtesy of Universal Pictures

Doctor Dolittle has an uneven history at the movies. 1967’s Doctor Dolittle was nominated for Best Picture and contains arguably “cinema’s greatest minute,” but it’s still a terrible musical with an awful lead performance from Rex Harrison. Eddie Murphy fared much better in the late ’90s and early ’00s with his non-musical take on the character and it’s hard to imagine a more successful re-interpretation.

Unfortunately, the freshly-dropped trailer for 2020’s Dolittle suggests the character’s track record isn’t about to improve. Starring Robert Downey Jr. in his first post-MCU role as the titular doctor who can talk to animals, the trailer is a collection of horrors almost as laughable as the Cats trailer. So, here’s a moment-by-moment breakdown of the stages of grief involved in watching the trailer.

Seven seconds in when a down-tempo emo version of “What a Wonderful World” starts playing: No, ma’am. *closes window*

Fourteen seconds in, when a title card reading, “From the producer of Alice in Wonderland” appears: STOP IT.

Twenty-two seconds in, when a title card reading, “And Maleficent,” appears: OK, I’m back.

Thirty-seven second in, when it reminds you it will be released in January: Isn’t winter hard enough?

Forty-four seconds in, when a goose runs directly at the screen: Being in this movie is exactly the kind of escalation we should have expected from the horrible goose in Untitled Goose Game.

Forty-eight seconds in, when Downey speaks for the first time: What accent is this and should he seek medical attention?

Fifty-four seconds in, when a tropical parrot tells everyone to pack their bags: Wonder who voices that parrot. Might be hard to find on iMDb, but it’s probably named something asinine like “Polly”. *Goes to iMDb and sees that Dame Emma Thompson is playing a character named “Polynesia”* ….oh, no.

Fifty-eight seconds in, when Harry Collett as Tommy Stubbins reminds us that Dolittle can talk to animals: Why…why is the dialogue not synched?

One minute and eighteen seconds in, when we see an overhead shot of CGI animals ruining a dinner in a setting dripping in Orientalism: Huh, I guess a lot of kids probably haven’t seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

One minute and twenty seconds in, when Antonio Banderas as Rassouli appears in eyeliner: DADDY

One minute and thirty-three seconds in, when the image of the bad CGI giraffe throwing a bad CGI rendition of Collett makes it impossible to ignore the bad CGI any longer: Do we, as a species, deserve to go on?

One minute and forty-five seconds in, when instead of some big finish, the trailer ends with Downlittle gently shutting a door: Oh, OK, I mean, I guess it could have been worse.

One minute and fifty seconds in, when a big music cue initiates an on-beat list of actors who provide voices for the film: We as an audience have failed every single one of these people.

One minute and fifty-five seconds in, when Oscar winner Marion Cotillard receives lowest billing: We have strayed so far from God’s light.

Dolittle aka the Horseman of Famine opens January 17, 2020.


Marisa Carpico
Marisa Carpico
By day, Marisa Carpico stresses over America’s election system. By night, she becomes a pop culture obsessive. Whether it’s movies, TV or music, she watches and listens to it all so you don’t have to.

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