Based on Matthew Teague’s 2015 Esquire article, The Friend, about his wife Nicole’s struggles after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer and the selflessness of their friend Dane, director Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s Our Friend creates some incredibly emotional moments that are nearly thwarted by terrible storytelling choices.
If there’s one thing this film embodies on a deep level, it’s that cancer sucks – especially ovarian cancer. Often going undetected until it’s too late, ovarian cancer is truly one of the more devastating forms of cancer in how it can suddenly create damaging emotional ripples in people’s lives. All of this is on full display as we see Matt (Casey Affleck), a determined journalist, and his wife Nicole (Dakota Johnson), an actress at a local theatre, struggle with the reality of Nicole’s terminal ovarian cancer.
Right from the opening scene of Matt and Nicole telling their kids that she doesn’t have much longer, the film latches onto your heart in a way that genuinely stings. There are many moments that rip and tear at your heartstrings until the tears start flowing too. There’s Matt realization that he’s going to be a single father and that he can’t keep going on the long research trips — trips that have caused a divide between he and his oldest daughter, Molly (Isabella Kai). Or there’s Nicole’s capabilities fading as her health declines and the family facing the harsh reality of Nicole’s cancer. The rollercoaster of emotions these moments create ranges from soul-affirming ups to cold and callused downs. They really paint an authentic and engaging picture of how terminal cancer legitimately upends normalcy and can create a chaotic downward spiral.
However, Our Friend isn’t just filled with a massive sense of dread. Cowperthwaite ultimately creates these sort of silver linings that make the experience not as bleak and hopeless as it seems. Even in some of the most emotionally challenging moments, like Nicole making her bucket list and watching Matt and their dedicated friend Dane (Jason Segel) — who stays with them to take some of the weight off — become emotionally and mentally exhausted, Cowperthwaite is able to add in some well-timed humor and heartwarming charm. Even the way that hospice is shown towards the end of the film and Nicole choosing to write letters to her daughters in order to stay in their lives even when she’s gone creates a comforting view of death that softens the emotional blows without removing their impact. As many times as the film makes you sob, it equally offers a sense of hope that leaves you at peace and both Affleck and Johnson give performances that embody this.
Johnson brings a wide range of emotion to her performance and makes you develop a real connection to Nicole’s pain. Even as Nicole attempts to maintain some sense of normalcy to keep her family from knowing how bad her condition is, it’s easy to feel this silent frustration and fear inside of her. When it all eventually comes lashing out, it’s genuinely saddening to see and makes you realize how genuinely scary and devastating cancer can be. However, like Cowperthwaite’s direction, Johnson brings a budding sense of hopefulness to her performance, where she acts as a comforting and caring figure to those she’s losing and it’s where Johnson’s strengths truly show. Affleck equally acts as a comforting figure, trying to keep Matt’s emotions intact as he prepares for a future without Nicole. Although seemingly quiet, Affleck brings out a lot of emotion and makes the moments of Matt standing up for Nicole and Dane very strong, showing a caring sense of integrity.
However, the real star is Segel, whose character acts as a perfect middleman and an embodiment of selflessness that also brings his own sense of charm and care to the film. Segel shows his acting range in an incredibly refreshing and heartwarming way — whether it’s bringing a sense of humor to both the kids and tough situations, acting as a barrier for Matt and Nicole when things get hostile, or watching him go through this own internal pain of seeing his friends in such peril.
At face value, it’s easy to see Dane’s failures define him. He has no steady relationship, no ambition to act on, or no real direction in life, but the film ultimately shows that it’s his current actions that define him as a selfless and caring friend. The film fleshes out his own story of growth in a fulfilling way that Segel makes deeply personal through his performance and it makes the moments where Nicole and Matt defend him against those that see Dane as weak and pathetic, incredibly heartfelt.
All of this is what makes it so shocking that the film nearly thwarts all of those great emotions and performances with non-linear storytelling that makes the viewing experience a jumbled mess.
Throughout the film, we’re constantly jumping back and forth to different points before and after Nicole’s diagnosis. This constantly breaks the film’s momentum and creates gaps in certain relationship timelines. For instance, when we first jump to Matt and Dane meeting each other, they’re on shaky terms, but then we suddenly jump to years later and they’re proclaiming that they’re best friends. It completely takes away a lot of the relationship building that would be done if the story were told in a straightforward fashion. It makes it more difficult for the audience to get to know the characters when the film is just jumping around to different parts of their lives. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the great performances, relationships, and story beats that come when the film tells its story in a more linear fashion, it would be a total mess.
Thankfully, the good outweighs the bad with Our Friend. It delivers a trio of great performances that leave your heart filled with emotion and a story that manages to get past its structural problems in order to put sheer selflessness, genuine human care, and hope in seemingly hopeless times on full display.
