Sorry folks, this “Network Event” gets a D+ from me.
In an era where there are so many alternatives, such as AEW, GCW, Impact, NWA, NJPW, and more, perhaps WWE’s flaws have become more than simply obvious.
No matter how I felt about previous programming, I always tune into the Royal Rumble. It’s supposed to be the fun event of the year. Sadly, this year was a complete debacle.
Many jokes on Twitter about this showing burning down, mostly due to the fact the WrestleMania sign caught fire after each Rumble match. Point to the sign and burn it down. After Rousey won, a section had to be evacuated so the sign could be lowered, repaired, and sent back up in time for Brock to point at it, resulting in it catching fire yet again.
Something tells me there may be a curse heading towards Mania. I mean, when both winners are part-timers…
Kicking off the show saw Seth Rollins over Roman Reigns by Disqualification. I can’t say “defeated” – Rollins was choked out, and Reigns refused to let go by the five count.
However, the match was good. Really good. Rollins played uber-mind games by coming out to the Shield theme and in gear. Rollins took a hell of a lot of punishment, but wasn’t going down so easily. This infuriated Reigns as the match progressed to the point where it became comical how Rollins would get clobbered over and over yet cackling with laughter. It hit a point where Reigns looked like he was starting to have a mental breakdown, and you could feel the match had jumped the shark.
The DQ finish protected everyone, while I don’t mind Seth “not losing” the outcome was left a head-scratcher.
Ronda Rousey wins the Women’s Royal Rumble
This was far better than the men’s, even with numerous botches and lack of star-power. Let’s get some of the crap out of the way first:
- 14 non-roster entrants. This is absolutely pathetic. Out of 30 entrants, 47% of entrants aren’t even on the roster. Either “legends” or a few who were let go in the past year. What was worse, with the exceptions of Lita, Michele McCool, and Mickie James, none lasted more than three minutes.
- Melina’s elimination – Damn shame how it went down. Even if she wasn’t going to last beyond the next entrant, it still sucks how the non-roster entrants were treated.
- Ronda Rousey – Once her number was called, it was a pretty safe bet for the outcome. At least it wasn’t Charlotte Flair.
Aside from these incredibly glaring problems, the match wasn’t bad for what it was. Banks being eliminated early was a shock, but it allowed Bianca Belair to dominate most of it. Zelina Vega played evil witch, yet her downfall was the inclusion of Carmella who didn’t even last until the next draw. The ongoing feud with Naomi and Sonya “Cruella” Deville continued which was a bland elimination and took some of the excitement out of the match.
Mickie James entering with the Impact Knockouts Championship around her waist was very cool, and did pretty damn well during the match. Yet, upon her elimination by Lita, commentator Corey Graves just had to say this “Lita just made an impact!”
Really?
It could have been worse.
Becky Lynch retains the RAW Women’s Championship against Doudrop
While they worked well together, this just wasn’t a PPV match. Doudrop had Becky dead-to-rights for 99% of the match, yet all it took was a few counters into her finisher off the turnbuckles to win. It makes no sense. It’s as though they were playing a video game and suddenly the dominating player goes AFK.
The crowd was not into this at all, but likely distracted by the WrestleMania sign catching fire earlier.
Bobby Lashley defeated Brock Lesnar to win the WWE Championship
Decent match. Lots of suplex spots… because it was the only type of spot happening. Ultimately, two bumps KO the ref, allowing Roman Reigns to run in and attack Lesnar. The big shocker sees Paul Heyman turn on Lesnar, allowing Reigns to clobber Lesnar with the championship belt.
Lashley, while champion with a ‘W’ over Lesnar, is victim to WWE’s “protective” booking where it wasn’t a clean win. This would make it obvious the Lesnar/Reigns feud will resume.
Edge and Beth Phoenix defeated Miz and Maryse
This could have been better. It seems enjoyable only when Beth was in the match either mauling Maryse or knocking out the lights of The Miz. It appeared Maryse spent the majority of the match fixing her ring gear to prevent multiple wardrobe malfunctions. This plodded along like sludge, which went on longer than it should have.
Brock Lesnar wins the Men’s Royal Rumble
His entry at #30 was a lock for victory.
Too many problems to list, but here’s the list of the most glaring, in my opinion:
- Madcap Moss eliminating AJ Styles? The hell?
- Shane McMahon and Bad Bunny as entrants.
- Johnny Knoxville did better than most entrants.
- Bad Bunny also did better than most entrants.
- Omos still sucks.
- Notice how there were no more than six wrestlers at a time? That stuck for nearly the whole match. Once a seventh entered you knew an elimination was coming.
- The final four were Brock Lesnar, Drew McIntyre, Shane McMahon, and Bad Bunny. That is pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. There were plenty of people left to choose from, yet this was the route they went with. I know they really wanted to avoid even using NXT wrestlers, but this was ridiculous.
Kofi’s elimination was unfortunate, but even on social media, no one trashed him for it, most even avoiding calling it a “botch.” The guy has been doing these insane rumble saves for over a decade, and this was the one which caught up to him. The guy is legend material already, this won’t hurt his rep in the slightest.
Lesnar winning was lazy booking. At WrestleMania, it is either rematch or revenge. Taking away from all the full-timers on the roster who deserve better, will all take a backseat to Brock’s choice and the inevitable two month build.
I couldn’t get into this one at all. Brock entering deflated any excitement there could be for the final four. When there is so much competition in professional wrestling, WWE should have known better than to book it lazy, but then again, when they constantly sell big at arenas and rake in the ratings, what motivation should there be to change? This isn’t a “Daniel Bryan” situation where fans legit were unsubscribing from the WWE Network, there’s nothing to motivate the program to change.
It’s as though WWE has become a “safe-playing stock” in a volatile market. No risks, just cruise control and protecting what they have. At this point… Not much left.
Sorry folks, but I’ve finished taking my dump on the 2022 Royal Rumble and there’s no changing my mind.
