Apologies, I’ve missed a few Box Office Prediction columns. The last time I did this there was a Madea movie and Geostorm, directed by Dean Devlin.
Yeah, it’s been a while.
BUT…
I’m Back.
That’s right! I’m back to do the most important work there is. Forget everything else going on in the world — Climate change. Midterm Elections. Tom Brady two games under five hundred. They all pale in comparison to me giving you moderately in the ball park BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS!
And I couldn’t think of a better weekend to return! Holy Nicole Kidman AMC ads, this is a MASSIVE WEEKEND for new releases! Yes, new in wide release this weekend is…Armageddon Time.
Yeah, okay. This isn’t exactly the most electrifying weekend to revive this column. I suppose next week would have made a lot more sense. It’s not like there’s a sequel to the first ever Best Picture nominated superhero movie opening.
Cut me a break. I needed a warm-up. A pre-season game, if you will.
Well, let’s discuss the only new movie opening in wide release this weekend, and that is the latest from director James Gray (Ad Astra), Armageddon Time. Just to be clear, this is NOT the sequel to 1998’s Armageddon. Although, unlike the Aerosmith song, audiences should be okay to “miss this thing.”
You see, I told you I needed a pre-season game to get the kinks out.
This movie has no chance at being #1, but to be fair, it’s a Focus Features film with moderate expectations, and is nothing more than a dart throw for some Oscar nods. That’s the goal here. With a cast of Anne Hathaway, Jeremy Strong, and Anthony Hopkins though, they could have tried a little harder to market this. Let’s take a look at the IMDB plot description:
“A deeply personal coming-of-age story about the strength of family and the generational pursuit of the American Dream.”
Really? That description could mean 500 different things. Oh, it’s “deeply personal.” Gee, thanks. Really appreciate it. Why the hell would you make a coming-of-age story that isn’t deeply personal? What would the point be? Hey, let’s see that coming-of-age story about the kid who goes to school, attends classes, eats lunch at the cafeteria, heads to Soccer practice, does his homework, plays Overwatch 2 online, and then calls it a day. It’s not deeply personal or anything, but doesn’t that sound riveting?
Look, I’m all for not spoiling too much about a movie before it opens, but it’s Armageddon Time. This isn’t Star Trek into Darkness, where Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan (spoiler alert) was the worst kept secret in the history of cinema. I think everybody knew he was Khan before Cumberbatch was even born. This is a non-franchise movie, so I think you can be a little more descriptive. UNLESS MAYBE IT IS A SEQUEL TO ARMAGGEDON!?
No. It’s not. I will say that the trailer does a better job of depicting the conflicts, clearly defining the time period, and has some good ominous music, so I give it credit there. At the end of day, this will do its job, make a quick buck, and that’s pretty much it.
Okay, let’s move onto to what will be #1 at the box office for the third weekend in a row, and that is Black Adam. On the surface, you might think #1 three consecutive weekends would be impressive, but let’s be honest; the competition hasn’t exactly been the ‘85 Bears. The box office for Black Adam has been fine. The audience reaction is fine. Here’s my review of the movie:
Yeah, it’s fine. Whatevs. In its second weekend, the movie dropped 59% (per Box Office Mojo), which is…fine. I’m guessing it will drop somewhere between 55-60% this weekend, which is…fine.
To be honest, the more impressive movie is probably Ticket to Paradise, which is also in its third weekend. That should finish #2 again. If you look at the box office for Ticket to Paradise, it’s only approaching $40 Million, but for a comedy these days, that might as well be Avatar.
Kudos to Julia Roberts and George Clooney for willing this thing to a respectable box office. Yeah. That’s where we are with comedies now. Get to a respectable box office. Alright, let’s move on. Talking about this genre is way too depressing. I could use a good laugh. Oh wait, that’s impossible. They don’t make comedies anymore. This is essentially the state of comedy right now:
HOW WILL IT ALL BREAK DOWN…
Enjoy your last weekend at the top, Dwayne Johnson. This is like the warm up comic getting one last joke in before the actual comic comes on. Black Adam easily wins the weekend, while Ticket to Paradise holds strong at #2. The newbie Armageddon Time should out-will the horror holdovers, but barely.
There’s the bout of the century. Can Armageddon Time beat out Prey for the Devil and Smile, which is approaching its sixth week in theaters. Yeah. How exciting. Hooray.
Why did I come out of retirement for this?
- Black Adam — $11.4 Million
- Ticket to Paradise — $6.5 Million
- Armageddon Time — $3.2 Million
- Smile — $3 Million
- Prey for the Devil — $2.8 Million
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