Soap characters getting bad writing is unfortunately common. They could be getting shoddy writing that makes a story that should be about them about a man instead. They could be used as a glorified day player who just exists to just weigh in on other people’s stories. Elizabeth on General Hospital and Sharon on The Young and the Restless have gotten this treatment as I’ve detailed in past columns. This month, I’m going to highlight other characters that have been saddled with shitty writing.
10. Bill, The Bold and the Beautiful
I am not a fan of Bill. The character of Bill is just a walking, talking hard on who hasn’t been relevant in years. He could die from choking to death on a chicken bone and I would be jubilant. My hatred for Bill doesn’t make me like the insipid writing for the character. Bill being Sheila’s little puppet is insulting to the character and the audience.
Even if it is revealed that Sheila has poisoned Bill’s sword necklace or brainwashed him, this writing has still damaged an already weak character. Prior to sucking on Sheila’s nine toes, he tried to get with Brooke and Katie on the same damn day. Why should fans want him to be around after this? Head writer and executive producer Brad Bell had a path to making Bill relevant again in a romance with Li. Yet that potential was squandered, and now Bill is circling the drain.
9. Carly, General Hospital
What the fuck is this writing? In soap operas, fans are used to dramatic reveals of someone lying leading to that person getting read up and down and facing real consequences. Yet GH made the bold choice of having Carly come out smelling like a rose. Willow instantly forgave her for lying for almost a year about her biological mother. Michael was mad for about two episodes, but then forgave his mother. Drew rewarded Carly’s treachery with eight inches. The only characters who really gave Carly the business are Sonny and Nina, but that was the bare minimum.
This writing does a disservice to Carly and her portrayer Laura Wright. Think of some of the most epic soap moments ever. People still talk about Bridget on B&B dragging her mother Brooke for getting pregnant with her husband’s baby. Would that have been so memorable if Bridget had said “Oh, I know you meant well by letting my husband finish inside you multiple times. No biggie, Mom!” and not read her for filth? It would not. Carly deserved to face actual consequences, and Laura Wright deserved the material that comes with that.
I just hate feeling like my time was wasted. Soap fans focus a lot on the climax of a story, but the actual story was tedious, and then they don’t even deliver with the climax. Cynthia Watros is the only one who got Daytime Emmy nomination material out of this failure of Soap 101. This is embarrassing.
8. Xander, Days of Our Lives
I don’t understand the writing for Xander. I know he’s never going to be an entirely good character. This is the man who shot Marlena at her wedding while trying to shoot Eric and put Nicole in a cage. However, the character had shown growth through his relationship with Sarah. This is why it was baffling when Xander agreed to help Ava with her stupid plan to kidnap Susan, which led to Susan’s death. He had just gotten married to Sarah so it didn’t make a ton of sense for him to be doing something he knew could end with her leaving him.
Is this the cycle for Xander and Sarah just going to be that he does something abhorrent, she leaves him, then he grovels, and she forgives him, and then it starts again? Because I find that utterly boring. Head writer Ron Carlivati needs to find new beats to play because this is played out.
7. Allie, The Young and the Restless
Why has the granddaughter of Jack Abbott just disappeared? Kelsey Wang is on recurring now, but the show could still use Allie. I know Y&R has a long history of treating Asian characters like shit, but this is egregious even for them. Allie could be the young heroine facing off against vixen Audra, but we can’t have that. They need to have 5,000 scenes where Phyllis screeches about hating Diane. The show’s lack of investment in young characters has been a consistent problem for years and there’s no end to it in sight.
6. Stephanie, Days of Our Lives
Abigail Klein is a good actress and I’m loving her as Stephanie. Yet they stuck her in one of the worst stories on the show. First, they had her step-cousin Alex humping her leg and acting like they had never met despite Alex being raised by Stephanie’s aunt. Despite this, Stephanie started dating Alex while sad widower Chad circled her like a dog looking at unattended food on a table. Thus began this horrible triangle that viewers vehemently despise.
I can’t support Stephanie being with either one of them. Alex feels like he’s going to get sued by a woman represented by Gloria Allred any day now. Chad is just lonely and doing the predictable widower thing: trying to get a new wife in there as fast as possible. Statistically, that is realistic. Widowers do tend to remarry fast. They aren’t used to doing all the invisible labor and childcare, so they fill that void as soon as a woman will take them.
Stephanie deserves better than both of them. Even putting the quasi-cousins issue aside, Alex is too much of a slut for a committed relationship. Chad is just looking to get laid since he hasn’t had sex since June, and with the side benefit of getting a woman to mother his children. Stephanie will get tossed out like a sack of potatoes whenever Abigail returns from the dead. Can we get a third option, please?
5. Willow, General Hospital
Who thought it would be a good idea to write Willow like she’s a character in a God’s Not Dead type film? I expect to see Dean Cain or Kevin Sorbo turn the corner whenever I watch Willow now. I understand Willow loving her unborn baby, but this pro-life writing has been irking the shit out of me. It was bad enough when she delayed chemotherapy and didn’t tell anyone about her cancer, but not wanting to induce labor at eight months just so this kid could potentially do better at a math test in middle school?!
Willow eventually came around to the idea of inducing labor to get a bone marrow transplant, but Nina wasn’t a match. Then this show had the gall to have Willow concerned that using the blood from the umbilical cord would hurt the baby. Willow is a nurse! She graduated last year. She should know the baby doesn’t need the umbilical cord after it comes out. The baby isn’t going to be jumping rope with it.
Willow used to be smart, have a great boyfriend in Chase, and have friends. However, her life has gone downhill since she got with Michael. Now she tiptoes around Michael’s feelings and is determined to make herself a martyr for this baby. This Willow doesn’t feel like the old Willow. This Willow feels like she’s going to homeschool her kids and teach them that Jesus used to ride dinosaurs or that drag queens eat children like the witch in Hansel & Gretel.
4. Mariah, The Young and the Restless
Why is this adoption story taking place primarily offscreen? I know Y&R is broke and CBS just strolls around in the kitchen wearing boxers, telling Josh Griffith what to do like your roommate’s “entrepreneur” boyfriend. That still doesn’t excuse this shit. Mariah is a popular character and the daughter of Sharon. Her relationship with Tessa is popular. We should be seeing every beat of this story.
I wanted to see Mariah and Tessa meeting Delphine. It could have happened at Crimson Lights if there was no money for another set. Though, the story would actually have to matter to the show for them to do that. This is a C story so they can say Teriah has something to do when they aren’t doing anything. It is pathetic and I’m not falling for it.
3. Brooke, The Bold and the Beautiful
Brooke is a shell of her former self. Where is the woman who made the BeLieF formula and could take your man? The character used to be an active character. Now things just happen to her. Sheila swaps out the nonalcoholic champagne for the real stuff, and Brooke just spends months crying wondering why she drank. Thomas makes a fake CPS call and Ridge leaves her, and Brooke just wonders what happened. Brooke used to be the drama. Now she’s just the victim.
It was nice to see Brooke and Taylor tell Ridge they were done with him, but it isn’t enough. Let Brooke get back in the lab. Let Brooke find new love. Let Taylor find new love as well. Let Brooke be the one who starts shit. This passive, crying woman is not the Brooke Logan I love to hate.
2. Thomas, The Bold and the Beautiful
Thomas should be a young leading man on this show. He’s a legacy character, played by a good actor with a bubble butt and he’s in his 30s. Yet Thomas has never fully recovered from Brad Bell’s unfortunate decision to write him as a Lifetime movie villain years ago. Ever since then, it has been one step forward and two steps back. Thomas will make strides and then he’ll make out with a Hope mannequin. He’ll build back trust and then he’ll call CPS on himself so his mom can get deep dicked.
B&B needs to shit or get off the damn pot. Either have Thomas and Hope bang in a full-on messy story or move him on. He could run into his cousin and quasi-brother Jack Marone and get him to invest in a new fashion house. He could run into Sheila’s daughter Mary and become a scheming couple together. Take the character of Thomas forward and stop giving him this goofy writing.
1. TJ, General Hospital
Tajh Bellow is a good actor and he has a body that belongs in men’s fitness magazines. TJ could be a young lead on this show, but he’s firmly a supporting character if they use him at all. It was nice that they involved him in Willow’s stupid cancer story, but that isn’t enough for me. Develop him more. I want more focus on hospital characters and TJ is perfectly positioned to get more focus. Finn and Austin are flops. Britt bravely died so Josslyn could get laid. Let TJ be the main hospital character.
TJ could have an affair with Willow if she ever stops trying to sacrifice herself for a baby. Or they could have Kristina get a job at the hospital as an administrator and build a friendship with TJ that leads to them sleeping together and her getting pregnant. I know GH fans are tired of pregnancy stories, but ABC apparently loves them, and Kristina getting knocked up by her sister’s boyfriend would be soapy as hell. Kristina could even pull an Alexis and pretend someone else is the father.
I want investment in TJ. GH is doing better with Black characters. Trina has a story, a love interest, and a family. Portia has a messy secret that is likely to explode at her wedding to Curtis. Curtis is likely Trina’s biological father so he finally will have a child on the canvas. Let’s just push it forward and give TJ an actual story. He’s been a character on the show for over a decade. He deserves better than what he’s been given.
Dispatches From Soap Land
*Kudos to Eden McCoy and William Lipton for those terrific scenes last week. They killed it and I’m thrilled they got that material.
*I want Jack and Diane on Y&R to just stay together. Peter Bergman and Susan Walters have great chemistry and Jack is at that age where he needs to settle down into a stable pairing.
*I love that Louise Sorel is returning to Days as Vivian. I’m all for recasting characters when necessary, but Linda Dano just never felt like Vivian. Although, I wonder what soap veteran actress they would have called up if she had said no again. Between Robin Strasser and Linda Dano, the role of Vivian was becoming the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for actresses over 70.
I think the character on soaps today who’s saddled with the worst character writing is Jack Abbott, played by the wonderful Peter Bergman, who deserves better than this. Not too long ago, he was in a relationship of some sort with Phyllis, and he was awfully picky about calling it of when she did something Phyllis normally does.
Now Jack, who hated Diane for years and year because she died and left her son, Kyle, without parents, is lusting over Diane and even slept with her twice! Come on, Peter Bergman deserves better writing. Diane has done nothing but scheme and lie and butt into the kids’ lives. Now he loves Diane and feels sorry for her because everyone treated her so badly when she merely lied, let everyone believe she was dead, and left her son to be raised by . . . . .whoever. Jack has higher standards than this! How could he be even the tiniest bit in love or in lust with her?
This storyline with Diane is ruining and neutering the character of Jack Abbott, and I hate to see that. If you can’t write for Peter, you can’t write for anyone, and you shouldn’t try. I was looking forward to a Phyllis/Jack or a Phyllis/Nick reunion. Instead, Jack’s a lame character, not anything like Smilin’ Jack from days gone by. I like Jack with Phyllis, but seeing him in bed with Diane makes me sick. Please, Y&R writers, try to do better by this wonderful actor.
Diane and Jack go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Hee hee
I think another character with terrible writing is Chloe on Y&R. Elizabeth Hendrickson is a great actress stuck talking to two characters who are clones of herself (Chelsea and Sally) about the SAME THING every day. She is also stuck in the worst soap pairing for over a decade. This is a character who was so badass when she first arrived played by an actress who was phenomenal during Delia’s death storyline and now she is sidelined for Chelsea and newbie Sally.