It is time again for my tradition of grading the first half of the year for every soap. Last year, the highest grade was a C+ for Y&R. This time, there are three soaps that are watchable! Of course, that means there are two soaps that are stinking up the joint, but three out of five is such a gift.
Beyond The Gates
The New Kid On The Block
It continues to be a joy to have a new soap. A show that isn’t beholden to years of an actor’s ego building up to the point that a character can’t lose. A show that is new and more accessible to new fans. I remember when I started watching each soap and it was a bit daunting learning everything I needed to know. Beyond The Gates is pretty accessible in that I think if someone started watching last week it wouldn’t be that confusing for them.
I do think they need to develop families that aren’t the Duprees. Apparently, Jacob’s brother and mother are going to be on so that’s a start. Ideally, they’d have three families by next year that can fuel more story and have contrast with the Duprees. It is fine for the Duprees to be the main family, but you need B and C families for the dating pool and so fans don’t get sick of all Duprees, all the time.
I also feel that Beyond The Gates existing has prompted other soaps to up their game with Black characters. Y&R has added Damien and Holden. GH is having a quad with Jordan, Curtis, Portia and Isiah while Trina enjoys her new romance with Kai. Competition can be healthy and force shows to stop being complacent.
Vernon Isn’t A Little Bitch
I was thrilled with the scenes of Vernon telling Bill that he made him and how it was going to be. When the show started, Vernon’s purpose on the show seemed to be loving his family and giving “We shall overcome” speeches. It was refreshing to show that just because he’s an old man doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have bite.
Clifton Davis is turning 80 years old this fall. This is likely going to be the last role of his life. I’m happy he’s getting material he can sink his teeth into. I know everyone thinks I’m ageist, but I want older characters to be utilized in ways that make sense and also support younger characters. This story does just that because it is about Vernon protecting Martin. Michele Val Jean is doing an excellent job with intergenerational storytelling.
He Can Keep His Job
Speaking of Martin, when Beyond The Gates started I wasn’t totally sold on Brandon Claybon’s acting. I’m now convinced he has shown enough improvement that Sheila Ducksworth shouldn’t be searching Atlanta for 35 year old Black gay men to replace him. He hasn’t had a Daytime Emmy nomination worthy moment yet, but I think he could get there.
Free Kat
I don’t want Alex Alegria to keep his job. He’s hot, but his acting is still stiffer than a Gen Z person trying to ask a server for napkins. Kat could do so much better than Tomas and frankly I don’t think Tomas has long term potential. Maybe they could put Kat with Jacob’s brother or a hot Asian guy who can somewhat act.
Colby Muhammad is talented and gorgeous. I want her to be in a pairing that gets TikTok edits and a lot of positive chatter. I’m sure Michele has written long story involving this triangle between Kat, Tomas and Eva, but it is okay to pivot and do something different.
Love The One You’re With
Keith D. Robinson is a good actor, but the main reason why some people are struggling with him playing Ted is because Maurice Johnson had more sex appeal. Maurice’s Ted was manly and authoritative with a deep voice. Keith’s Ted seems like the type of guy that would insist on going Dutch on dates and he isn’t paying half for the appetizer because you wanted the mozzarella sticks. It is just jarring to go from sex on a stick to the human embodiment of “Well, actually…”
I don’t think the writing is doing Keith any favors. Ted has just bought Nicole flowers, had a hot second of groveling and then called her a judgemental princess for not forgiving him. Cheating, hiding it for over 20 years and having an outside kid required the third act of a romance novel levels of groveling. Ted hasn’t delivered on that front so I don’t want Nicole to forgive him. She’s successful, rich, beautiful and respected. She doesn’t need him.
I do think as time goes on I’ll get more used to Keith as Ted. I’m not usually one who has to take a lot of time to accept a recast. I accepted Cherie Jimenez as the new Gabi on Days on the first day. I was all in with Alexa Havins as Lulu on GH. Give me another two months and I’ll reach a level of acceptance like a cousin’s new boyfriend when I liked her last boyfriend more. It isn’t the new boyfriend’s fault and maybe I’ll grow to like the new boyfriend even more.
Ditch The Accent
I understand this is Cady McClain’s fifth soap role and she must have wanted to make Pamela distinct, but why did she decide to talk like she’s a rich woman in a broad comedy from the 90’s? Every time Pamela is on I expect her to step in horse manure as she curses about the indignity of it as children laugh at the mean lady. Michael E. Knight made the same mistake when he started on GH. You don’t need to do a swinging for the fences accent. You can just use your regular speaking voice.
I Want More Shanice
Shanice is one of my favorite characters. She’s more interesting than several characters that are narratively more important. Ernestine Johnson Morrison is very charming in the role and pops even in scenes where Shanice isn’t doing much. I would like her to get more material. I’m not saying make her a lead, but I think she could become a strong B character in the vein of Marcie on One Life to Live. Also, Shanice is probably one of the most relatable characters on the show and could be used for product placement scenes. Shanice probably owns a Swiffer.
Final Grade For BTG: B- They’ve had a pretty strong start, but there’s still things that need to be tinkered with as they continue on.
The Bold and the Beautiful
Humiliation Ritual
Everyone knows how this Ridge and Taylor engagement is going to end. We’ve seen this story before and we know how it ends. Ridge is going to be jealous of Brooke moving on with Nick and he’ll dump Taylor and reunite with Brooke. Likely during the splashy location shoot in Italy. Taylor will be humiliated and Rebecca Budig’s employment will be in a precarious position because Brad Bell isn’t interested in Taylor if she isn’t with Ridge.
I understand soap requires a certain amount of repeating stories. You aren’t going to reinvent the wheel with every story. I just don’t understand the laziness of not even trying to make it feel even a little fresh. If you are going to reheat your nachos as the kids say, maybe switch up the story beats. Maybe Brooke could reject Ridge when he tries to get her back. Though that certainly won’t happen. Brooke will fold like a lawn chair and be so happy Ridge chose her until the next 50 year old woman to play Taylor gets hired and they’ll repeat the story again.
Another Long Goodbye Where He Doesn’t Die
Liam dying would be a gamechanger for B&B. He spent a decade as the male lead of the show before he became supporting in the past few years. Yet I don’t think the show is serious at all about this. This feels like Eric’s health scare where he was dying out of Old Man-itis and didn’t want anyone to know. They aren’t even playing all the right beats. Liam should be spending time with his daughters, but instead he’s in scenes with his ex-wife’s son with another man for some reason.
I will say Annika Noelle, Scott Clifton and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood have been doing moving work. I just can’t take it seriously. This feels like a vehicle to reunite Hope with Liam and get the actors Daytime Emmy nominations. If they were actually going to kill Liam off, it could be great, but I’m not going to applaud a cheap ploy that will go nowhere.
Copy and Paste
The third retread is Luna basically playing out Sheila’s story from four years ago. A psycho complaining about Steffy not letting her near Finn. They could copy and paste dialogue from those scripts and not many would notice because it is the same damn story. Only I don’t think Luna is going to end up serving breadsticks at the Pasta Hut. She’s probably going to end up dead or back in prison.
Steffy and Finn desperately need something new to play. Have one of them cheat or let Steffy start taking those pills again. Anything that isn’t a crazy lady related to Finn being mad at Steffy. It is so played out.
Final Grade For B&B: F – Lazy and uninspired.
Days of Our Lives
Transition
The start of new head writers taking over a show can tell you a lot about them. Sometimes you get the swift end of the previous regime’s stories like when Ron Carlivati started at GH and Days. Or you can get the new regime playing out the stories handed to them, but in a new voice. We are getting the latter with the first two months of Paula Cwikly and Jeanne Marie Ford. They are very much playing in the sandbox of stories started by Ron.
Even with playing out stories started by Ron, you can tell there are new sheriffs in town. The show is less plot driven. Characters like Kayla feel like themselves. I feel like I’m watching a soap opera and not just a show aimlessly wandering from plot point to plot point. Ron can be a good head writer, but at his worst he can be too focused on plot and not enough on character so you don’t care what’s happening.
You can tell Paula and Jeanne really know the show. The episode where Bo and Hope married again with all the flashbacks felt like a love letter to Days and the fans. It moved me and I don’t even care about Bo and Hope that much. That is what good writing and acting can do.
Future Leading Man
I’ve always liked Carson Boatman, but he’s really come into his own this year. You could feel Johnny’s anger and disgust at learning he was conceived when EJ raped Sami. I could see a Daytime Emmy nomination next year for his work in this story. He definitely needs to be a leading man on Days.
I do also have to give Ron Carlivati credit for starting this story. His last few years have been bad, but at least he can say his tenure ended on a fairly positive note and he gave Paula and Jeanne something to work with. Ron has had to clean up after other regimes five times if you count the two writer’s strikes that happened while he was working. Giving new head writers at least one good story they can use as a launch pad is a gift.
Tragedy and Happiness
Having Bo wake up the same episode John died was a divisive decision on social media. I thought it was smart. It was going to be hard to watch the cast grieve both Drake Hogestyn and the character of John. The audience needed relief from that and Bo being reunited with Hope was that. Tragedy and happiness coexist every single day we’re alive. An elderly family member can die the same week a younger family member gives birth. Your house could burn down and a sibling could meet the love of their life. That’s life.
It was also smart to have Paul and Andrew get married. I wish they could be contract players. If Christopher Sean won’t sign a contract, they can recast. They are needed in Salem.
Final Grade For Days: B+ — I don’t dread putting on an episode anymore and that says a lot.
General Hospital
Fighting To Stay On The Air
You can tell GH is actively fighting to survive. This show has been known for shitty story climaxes for years, but they recently delivered an actual good climax for one of Chris Van Etten’s silly paternity retcons. I think if you told Chris Van Etten he couldn’t do a paternity retcon for two years, he’d start weeping in the fetal position. Yet he and co-head writer Elizabeth Korte delivered. Gio smashing his violin in front of the Nurse’s Ball audience after finding out Dante and Brook Lynn were his parents was compelling television.
They’ve even stopped trying to flatten the conflicts on the show. I strongly suspect the flattening of conflicts was a network directive considering something similar allegedly happened at Y&R. Carly and Nina finally beat each other up! It is ridiculous that it took these two this long to slap each other, but I’ll take it.
These efforts have paid off. Ratings have gone up and GH has gone number one on Hulu for multiple episodes. More people are watching GH than a prestige series with Nicole Kidman, Christine Baranski and Henry Golding. That says something.
Soap Twitter’s New Boyfriend
Rory Gibson has gone from playing a recast that a show didn’t give a shit about to playing one of the most instantly accepted recasts I’ve seen in my life. It is wild! It isn’t just that looking Rory makes them think about redacting his redacted until he redacteds and other thoughts unsuitable for publication on The Pop Break. Rory is a genuinely good actor and Michael feels like a leading man now.
Rory has had chemistry with everyone he’s had a scene with so far. He has family chemistry with Eden McCoy and Laura Wright. He has chemistry with Katelyn MacMullen to the point that I want Michael and Willow to hate boink. He also has an easy chemistry with Sofia Mattsson, but it doesn’t feel like he wants to angrily bang Sasha up against a wall like he does with Willow. Rory’s Michael and Sasha’s chemistry is more like a respectful picnic in the park energy.
I do think it helps that they are writing Michael as more independent. Chad Duell’s Michael felt like Carly was in charge of his life and he felt too passive. Rory’s Michael feels like he’s the one in charge of his life. In addition to actually having chemistry with women, this makes Michael feel like the romantic lead he should have been years ago.
Girlbossing For Dummies
How is Sasha a strong independent woman when she’s living and working in her baby daddy’s family home? Is taking money from a man who kidnapped you and tried to kill your mother a girlboss moment? Why would you leave your baby daddy off the birth certificate, but still have everyone know he’s the father when you were worried about mob violence? Why not just leave town? All valid questions, but the show wants to act like Sasha is the pinnacle of feminism even as all of this is absurdly stupid.
Willow is also being stupid. If Drew told her the sky was green and that he is secretly Captain Planet, she’d believe him. The difference is the audience is supposed to think Willow is being a moron. The show is writing Sasha like we should be pumping our fists while blasting “Fight Song” in tribute to her girlboss greatness. The show is good right now, but I’m not going to pretend like Sasha’s decisions are smart even though the show desperately wants me to.
Middle-Aged Dong War
If Jordan can steal Curtis from Portia, I’ll support it just so they can stop trying to throw Stephen A. Smith’s Brick at her. Tanisha Harper has been on this show since 2022. It is beyond time for her to have a consistent love interest. It also isn’t like Portia was super respectful of Curtis and Jordan’s marriage when she arrived on the scene. And Portia can rebound with Isiah. Let the Black characters get messy!
Final Grade For GH: A- It is the soap I look forward to watching the most. I fully realize this could change on a dime and it can go back to being terrible, but I’m going to enjoy this while it lasts.
The Young and the Restless
Cane Is 40 Years Old With a Fat Ass Now
Everyone knows Billy Flynn playing a fifty something Australian is ridiculous. It is normal for a recast to shave some years off, but 14 years and ditching an accent is a bit much even by soap standards. Even if you are willing to overlook all of this, Cane’s return story is still fucking terrible. It is basically Tucker’s return story, but with Amanda in the Audra role without all the sex. It is lazy.
I really think the only way Billy Flynn lasts on Y&R is if he activates the fanbase that kept Daniel Goddard employed for 12 years which are mostly Black women. They are the ones that hired that plane to fly over the studio when Maria Arena Bell fired Daniel. Y&R is a very last one hired, first one fired type of workplace and given rumors of a certain someone working there uncredited, there could be a regime change in the offing. That alleged person always has friends they want to hire and Billy would be a convenient choice to fire. Billy’s Cane has to spark with Lily if he wants to stay employed.
Half The Cast Is Thinking About Pizza
A part of me can’t even blame half the cast for thinking about pizza when they are given such subpar material. I know they didn’t want to sit in restaurants and talk about Aristotle Dumas for months or have to act out the budget version of The White Lotus. The other part of me is annoyed. Y&R has a great cast. It is beneath them to be visibly bored. There are exceptions like Camryn Grimes doing excellent work with such a dumb story.
A Pink Couch
Did you guys hear? Diane did a little remodel of the Abbott mansion and bought a pink couch! This certainly was worth a lot of screentime. I cried myself to sleep just thinking about that pink couch because it is so beautiful. My peasant butt will never sit on that glorious couch. Even if I tried, I would be thrown clear across the room by the aura protecting that couch. God bless this show for doing this. Other soaps try telling stories and having things actually happen, but not Y&R. They made a brave choice by having characters ohh and ahh over a living room redecoration. I’m weeping while listening to “Roar” by Katy Perry just thinking about it.
Final Grade For Y&R: F. If I weren’t a soap columnist and a co-host on a soap podcast, I would be taking a break from this show. A soap can be bad or it can be boring. It can’t be both!
Dispatches From Soap Land
*CBS having a week of reruns of Beyond The Gates is a bit odd when both B&B and Y&R have new episodes. The only explanations I can think of are they needed to shave a few episodes off the episode count for budget reasons or they figured the week of the Fourth of July would be a bust ratings wise. Either way, hopefully they don’t make this a habit.
*I fully expect Y&R will have a throwaway line about Sam being in boarding school when they realize we remember he exists.
*I hope the Days and Y&R casting war doesn’t go too far. I don’t need to see Carson Boatman as the new Noah Newman and Melissa Ordway as Noelle Curtis.
