The saddest thing I’ll ever have to say is that 1995’s Mortal Kombat is STILL the best video game to movie adaptation we’ve ever gotten. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy that film, even with numerous flaws. But it’s a low bar because the alternative is Super Mario Bros., Resident Evil, Silent Hill, the GOD-AWFUL Assassin’s Creed and anything directed by Uwe Boll.
Hell, there’s even been two Tomb Raider films before and, while not good, are a guilty pleasure type of garbage. So now, in 2018, we’re given a reboot of the Tomb Raider franchise (much like the games), starring Alicia Vikander as a more realistic Lara Croft, instead of the sexed-up Angelina Jolie. The problem is…it still kind of blows.
If you’ve ever played a Tomb Raider game, the plot is very simple. Lara is essentially Indiana Jones, tasked by her father to find a bunch of ancient artifacts long thought to be dead. That’s it and that’s what we get here. The fun of the games are the raiding of the tombs, the puzzles and the platforming and, well yeah, we get that here too.
Luckily, whenever Lara is tomb-raiding, if you will, the film is a lot of fun. Where it fails, however, is the paint-by-numbers story, bogged down by waaaaaayyyyyy too much exposition and, quite frankly, a kind of stupid Lara. Croft in the games is supposed to be very smart, wiggling her way out of situations with her physical training and superb knowledge of history. Here, we have a girl who gets lucky most of the time, learns to fight in about six seconds and appears to switch her smart/moron button on and off at will. It’s quite frustrating.
That’s not to crap all over Vikander. She’s quite good. I blame the writers, attempting to make her feel all of the things I mentioned earlier, as well as sympathetic, angry, lost and confused. I’m aware that humans can feel all of these things, but not all in a span of about ten seconds. If it happened once, sure, it’s a mistake that I wouldn’t have thought about again, but it happens three or four times. I’m rambling, back to the point.
Lara’s father (Dominic West), leaves her clues to an ancient tomb of Himiko, the Merchant of Death. Her father, who is presumed dead (shocker, he isn’t), asks her to burn all of the information. Instead, she takes that as an opportunity to find it herself, because…reasons? Again, what? She thinks her dad is dead. Trust me, there is no moral dilemma here, she literally thinks he’s dead. It’s not as if she is on a mission to prove he is alive or anything.
The reason why she goes on this journey, endangering the life of new friend, Lu Ren (Daniel Wu), is stupid. See? Very stupid Lara. Again, rambling. So, her and Lu get shipwrecked and taken captive by Vogel (a very hammy Walton Goggins), who is Lara’s dad’s rival, or sorts.
As I said, the story is as simple and unoriginal as it gets, and it takes up a vast majority of the film. Why these video games succeeded was that they sprinkled in the story during the tomb raiding elements. Instead, we have to stall the movie for her to say something. Get. On. With. It. Granted, the characters can be interesting. When Lara is trying to find money at the beginning, it’s good storytelling. Her father has his reasons, Lu Ren is a sloppy drunk and Vogel also has his reasons, probably the best motivation of the whole film. Hell, even Nick Frost shows up for a minute or two, playing a pawn shop owner. But for the most part, not much is to be said.
Okay, I’ve complained enough, did I actually like anything? Well yes, yes, I did.
As I mentioned, I quite liked the tomb raiding scenes. A lot of them are fun and right out of the game. The acting is pretty on point, which points to the writers as the downfall for the film. And I also really liked the end scene…until I found out they spoiled it in the F’N trailer. Yeah, no spoilers here anymore, Lara buys two handguns at the end, a very tongue and cheek reference to her earlier portrayal in the games. Hey studios, quit showing the last shot of your film in the trailers (cough, Amazing Spider-Man 2).
I think by default, Tomb Raider is maybe the third best video game adaptation we’ve gotten on the big screen. Mortal Kombat looks like a “Flawless Victory” comparatively so and I actually enjoy the first Resident Evil film (but oh, have they gone downhill since).
Sadly, films like Hardcore Henry (POV first-person shooter movie) and Kubo & the Two Strings (a Legend of Zelda like story) are the best video game movies on the planet, and they’re not even video game movies. It’s a bummer, I had high hopes for this movie. Will we one day get an amazing, well-done video game adaptation? Probably not, it’s been almost 30 years.
Is Ready Player One out yet?
Final Grade: 3/10 (those tomb raiding scenes are really, really good)
