Written by George Heftler
The Golden Globes are cancelled.
The Golden Globes have always been the middle ground of the Hollywood award shows. With a toe in both TV and movies, rather than be good at one thing they’ve elected to be middling at two. This has never been more on display than with their 2019 nominees, which, as you may notice, contains nary a mention of Paddington 2, the best movie of the year.
“But George” I can hear you saying. “What categories would you even put Paddington 2 in? Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” No. I’m not. Let’s take a look at a few of these categories.
Best Motion Picture, Drama
A lot of these are acceptable nominees, but Bohemian Rhapsody? The lambasted biopic that twists and covers up to make Freddy Mercury’s life fit into a nice little narrative structure? Blasphemous. Remove that, replace it with Paddington 2. Paddington does hard time in the big house, and nothing is more dramatic than an innocent person (or bear) wrongfully imprisoned. With a happy ending, it’s easy to see Paddington 2 taking the gold in this category.
Best Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy
Mary Poppins Returns isn’t even OUT YET, Golden Globes! I don’t care if you got an advance copy, you gotta give the people something they’ve actually seen. Something like Paddington 2. Paddington is hilarious, a real fish (or bear) out of water. Plus there’s even a delightful musical number performed by Hugh Grant, making it fit BOTH sides of this category! Clearly Paddington 2 is not only qualified as a nominee, it would easily win.
Best Motion Picture, Animated
I love Wes Anderson. The new Spider-man movie looks great. But you know what? They’re not as richly lived in as Paddington 2. While functioning as a fun animated movie for the kids, it also passes along an important lesson about the justice system and keeping your head up when the world tries to get you down. Clearly not just the best animated motion picture, but also perhaps the most important.
Best Motion Picture, Foreign Language
The Golden Globes are a US award, and if you look in almost any language selection dropdown menu, UK English is listed separately. They’re speaking “the queen’s English” and considering we don’t have a queen, that sure sounds like a foreign language to me.
Best Director
Paul King is, well, a king. For someone to have their first studio movie be Paddington, and then follow that up with Paddington 2? Come on, son. Paul King not only should be nominated; he should be the only nominee. Sorry Bradley, I don’t care how many limitless pills you take, you’re not having to balance live actors with animated bears and create a movie that truly feels alive!
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Sally Hawkins is killing it these days. First she falls in love with a hideous fish monster, and now she’s been the adoptive mother of a cartoon bear not once but twice. If that doesn’t require an amazing performance I don’t know what does. She is the picture of warmth, lending plenty of heart to a movie already brimming with it. Replace Emily Blunt with her because again, Mary Poppins isn’t even out yet.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture
Ben Whishaw as Paddington is phenomenal. The soft-spoken bear is an incredible presence, but don’t overlook the steely resolve that helps Paddington survive his time in the joint. It’s impossible not to fall in love Paddington, and his lack of nomination is a spit in the eye to movie fans the world over. Especially since there are SEVERAL movies nominated that have yet to be released.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Before we get to the actual discussion, I gotta say: this is what I’m talking about, Golden Globes. What an unwieldy award name. This is why you specialize, so you don’t have to specify like that. Anyway.
This is the only category that has a little bit of a challenge, and that’s because there should be TWO nominees from Paddington 2. Brendan Gleeson is incredible as Knuckles McGinty, the hardened prison chef who has his heart warmed by Paddington and his marmalade. However, I have to say he would probably lose to Hugh Grant, who is having the time of his life in this movie. He is chewing the scenery and it works. Sorry to Brendan, but Hugh just won’t be denied.
Best Screenplay
It takes an impressive screenplay to convince a major studio to finance a movie about a cartoon bear getting wrongly accused and having to fix the justice system from the inside. Luckily, that’s just what we got. Paddington 2 is the clear winner just because it was a good enough screenplay to get the movie made.
Best Original Score, Motion Picture
A Quiet Place? A Quiet Place?! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE QUIET. Take this nominee out and replace it with the delightful score in Paddington 2. The excellent music transports you not only to jolly old London, but also inside Paddington’s heart. It just makes you feel good!
As you can see, there are plenty of categories that Paddington 2 fits into. I can only hope the Golden Globes sees the error of their ways, otherwise, the results of this ceremony can only be considered null and void. The jar of marmalade is in your court, Golden Globes.
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