There have been a lot of stories about conversion therapy at the movies lately. Last year, there was the Chloë Grace Moretz-starring adaptation of The Miseducation of Cameron Post, which focused on the queer kids, but lacked a certain level of urgency. There was Boy Erased, which featured an awards-nominated performance from a queer actor, Lucas Hedges, but also focused heavily on his characters’ parents. Now comes, For They Know Not What They Do, a documentary directed by Daniel G. Karslake, which focuses on real life queer people and their parents’ struggle to accept them.
From the moment it starts, Karslake sets a blistering pace. We see a montage of news clips about the legalization of gay marriage, reports about discriminatory laws in various states and recordings of sermons at various evangelical churches condemning homosexuality. It’s a lot to take in, but Karslake’s goal is to give us a picture of the way members of the queer community are treated in America. In essence, he gives the viewer the context to understand how and why each set of parents reacts the way they do before diving into their stories.
There’s Rob and Linda Robertson, who speak about their son Ryan, who came out at 12-years-old over IM. There’s trans woman, Sarah McBride, and her parents, Sally and David, who feared for their daughter’s political aspirations when she began to transition in college. There’s trans male, Elliot Porcher, whose parents Coleen and Harold initially hesitated to allow him to start hormone therapy. And there’s Vico Febo, who brought his friends to Orlando’s PULSE the night of the deadly mass shooting.
Each story shows the viewer a different queer experience and Karslake and editor Nancy Kennedy are constantly cutting from one to the next and back again. Their goal is to put each story in conversation to emphasize how each parent’s reaction influenced their child’s future. As Sarah’s father so beautifully puts it, “We came to the realization people would take their cues from us,” and their fairly rapid acceptance allows Sarah to keep excelling. By contrast, Elliot’s father admits he was slow adjust to Elliot’s identity because, “It was not so much the learning as letting go,” and his and Coleen’s hesitancy sent Elliot into a deep depression.
Still, while comparing and contrasting the stories allows Karslake to instruct viewers on ways to respond to a child coming out, the overall effect is less pronounced in the moment. Rather, the film constantly moves from one portion of a story to the next, allowing them to connect emotionally but not always thematically and the results can leave little time to reflect on what’s happening.
However, flawed filmmaking techniques aside, the stories Karslake features are so powerful that they resonate despite any distractions. That’s most true of the Robertsons and Ryan. The couple met at the Bible Institute of LA, so it’s unsurprising that they react negatively to Ryan’s coming out. When they look for a Christian therapist, they’re shocked when that person tells them that they need to adjust because Ryan is gay and nothing will change him. Instead, they send him to gay conversion therapy because as Linda puts it, they had, “lots of fear about the gay lifestyle.”
It’s infuriating to watch them make one mistake after another because of their faith and as the film goes on, you yearn to hear them express some form of regret.So, it’s cathartic when Linda acknowledges the verse of scripture that gives the film its title and admits, “Unintentionally, we taught Ryan to hate himself.” It’s a powerful moment and one that every person of faith or unsure how to react when their child comes out should hear.
Despite any flaws in presentation, For They Know Not What They Do is necessary filmmaking and necessary viewing. As Pastor Delman Coates notes, “most people are not trying to be homophobic, they’re trying to follow their understanding of scripture,” and Karslake’s film is about reprogramming misguided religious conviction. The families he covers are by no means comprehensive of the many experiences of queer people in this country, but they do serve as both a sign of the damage years of religion-fueled homophobia have wrought on generations of queer people and hope that maybe a better, more accepting future is already in sight. The film may never reach the adults who most need to hear it, but if it gives comfort and affirmation to even one queer teen, then it’s done its work.
For They Know Not What They Do [trailer] from Reel Advocacy on Vimeo.
