Soaps often don’t know when it is time to get rid of or rest a character. It is more understandable when it is a vet who is still there just to appease that character’s fans. Less so when the audience is screaming they hate the character. I’m sure you have a mental list of soap characters you’d like to see leave or be rested. Here’s mine.
- Chelsea, Y&R
The thing about Chelsea is that she’s the same character as Chloe. Both came to town in a shady pregnancy story where Billy was the father. Both have been scammers. Both are in the fashion industry. They even have a similar look. The only difference between Chelsea and Chloe is Chelsea had a successful pairing with Adam. Melissa Claire Egan had great chemistry with Adam’s previous portrayers Michael Muhney and Justin Hartley. That chemistry doesn’t exist with the Mark Grossman incarnation.
The whole reason Chelsea has fans to begin with is the Adam pairing. Now that they’ve broken up, her biggest tether to the canvas is broken. They can’t pair her with Billy again because she raped him and fans would freak. Her pairing with Nick was a try hard flop. There’s no current reason for her to stay.
How I’d write Chelsea out: Simply have her move to Paris with Connor. She’s not a character you kill off if only for the reason you can use her for future drama when her biological son Johnny becomes a teenager and learns Victoria isn’t his biological mother.
- Kate, Days
Fun fact: Lauren Koslow is one of the few Days vets to never be fired. Maybe it is time for that to change. The last time I felt like Days knew what to do with Kate was when she was married to Stefano. Ever since then they’ve just thrown at men at her and hope they stick. It has even become a running joke among fans to call her the town welcome mat since it feels like every new man has to have sex with her.
It didn’t have to be this way. She has a ton of kids and a history on the show. Instead of using that, the show was more interested in her playing faux mommy to Chad in between being with her man of the month. She’s just there taking up space.
How I’d write Kate out: Have her find out Vivian is alive and go hunting for her.
10. Brando, GH
Do I really need to give an explanation for his presence on this list? I do? Fine. He’s boring and he hasn’t had chemistry with the parade of female characters they’ve tested him with. I’d rather have Lucky or Dillon on the canvas.
How I’d write Brando out: He could tell Sonny that he’s going to water the moss in the Corinthos kitchen and then never return with no explanation given to his whereabouts. Did he leave town? Did the moss eat him? Let fans wonder.
- Ben, Days
Before you angry villagers start gathering up your torches and pitchforks, I’m only suggesting Ben be rested for 6 months. I do love Ben and have been a fan of the pairing of Cin (Ben/Ciara) from jump. That said, he could use a break.
Cin basically became for Days what Chabby (Chad/Abigail) was for the show from 2015 to 2018. They took over the young hot couple spot and turned Ben into a young romantic lead. Now with Victoria Konefal only coming and going in Ken Corday’s own words, where does that lead Ben? There’s only a few options. They could recast Ciara, they could move him on with a different woman or just have Ben in town twiddling his thumbs while Ciara is off somewhere.
I think the best option is to rest Ben. Days writes out characters all the time and brings them back less than a year later, so it would be perfectly normal. And the show has plenty of characters to drive story without him.
How I’d write Ben out: He’d reunite with an alive Ciara and they’d go to Africa because it is the law that if you are leaving Salem, you must go to Africa. After six months, they could bring him back with a recast Ciara or move him on. I think a break from the character would help fans adjust to either a recast or a new love for him. If you are thinking “Alan, Victoria Konefal is recurring. No need to recast!”, yes, but for how long? She clearly has goals that don’t involve Days and I hope she achieves them. She’s very talented.
- Lola, Y&R
Lola dumped Kyle over a purse! She dumped Theo because he was too busy with work to show up for lunch. Do we really need to keep this woman around to continue finding the stupidest excuses to dump a man? Could you imagine her next relationship? “Noah, you bought yogurt without a coupon? That’s so privileged. You disgust me!” The only thing that would make Lola viable at this point is making her crazy or a personality transplant.
How I’d write Lola out: She’d have a breakdown and decide to murder all the rich people. Just as she’s about to stab Kyle, Summer would hit the proletariat over the head with a paper weight. She’d be hauled off to the looney bin never to be heard from again.
- Wyatt, B&B
The whole reason Wyatt became popular was he was the anti-Liam. He was decisive about women. When he was with a woman, he was with her. He didn’t play women off each like it was his sick kink. This changed in the past year.
He was with Sally, but when his felonious ex Flo came to town the Spencer waffling genes kicked in. The genes that tell a man that his dong is a gift that women must compete for. The type whose soulmate changes from week to week. In other words, complete and utter trash.
And in the last few months, Wyatt has become completely irrelevant. He could disappear and it wouldn’t hurt one story. When Brad Bell has new toys to play with, sometimes the old toys get unceremoniously discarded. I wouldn’t be upset if Wyatt got this treatment.
How I’d write Wyatt out: Quinn would try to shoot Brooke, but miss and kill her own son.
6. Abby, Y&R
Abby should be a big deal on this show. She’s a Newman and an Abbott. Instead she’s always involved in stories no one cares about and being paired with her is basically a pink slip curse: Tyler, Stitch, Zack, Scotty and Arturo. The only character to continue on the show after a pairing with Abby ended is Nate.
The fact that she’s spent the last year arguing with Phyllis about some hotel that looks like it was decorated via Wayfair is enough for me to say that she needs to leave and be gone for at least a year.
How I’d write Abby out: She’d dump Chance and decide to go to a sperm bank to conceive her child. Then once pregnant, she’d move to Paris to be with Ashley.
- Julian, GH
The character has never recovered from holding a dagger to Alexis’ throat. All his other pairings have been pathetic flops. Julian has three kids on the canvas who wouldn’t care if he had a heart attack on the toilet and died. What’s he still doing there?
His presence on this list is sad. Julian was once a character with a popular pairing and more than enough story to justify his presence. This is a lesson for head writers. Be careful what you have a character do. Sometimes the stench of it will stick to the character forever.
How I’d write Julian out: Perhaps he could die in a big explosion that we all know GH loves to do. Or I’d settle for the aforementioned toilet death. I’m not picky.
- Katie, B&B
Heather Tom is a powerhouse actress, but I have no clue what she’s still doing on this show. The only stories they give her about Katie’s body falling apart or Bill being an unrelenting slut with Katie’s own sister who is also an unrelenting slut. Katie cries and yells about her body hating her and/or the sluts being slutty. The audience rightfully praises Heather Tom. She gets an Emmy. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I think it is time for Heather Tom to transition to directing full time. I know it would be scary to let go of a steady check, but clearly B&B is not going to challenge her creatively so it is time to flee. Yes, this is the only choice on my list that I think should quit, not get fired. I don’t think Brad Bell would ever fire her. She’d have to leave on her own.
How I’d write Katie out: Katie’s body would finally win the war against medicine and borrowed Logan body parts.
- Peter, GH
The reasons why Peter is a horrible character have been gone over by every soap blogger and GH fan with a Twitter account. Even if you don’t watch GH, you’ve probably heard about it. I don’t want to be redundant. Instead I’ll focus on the stubbornness of GH with this character.
They’ve had numerous opportunities to get rid of or fix this character. The only real tweak they’ve done is get rid of the horrible retcon that Anna is his mother. That’s it. No one wanted him to have a baby with Maxie, but that’s happening. I doubt a miscarriage is coming no matter how many fans pray to Soap Jesus that a particularly steep staircase would take of that. Staircases are like Jason Voorhees for pregnant women on soaps.
And they’ve started up the “Peter will finally be exposed as a fiend!” story thread multiple times and they don’t follow through. He killed Drew a year ago and nothing has happened. GH has a bad habit of dragging stuff out and this is a big example of that.
How I’d write Peter out: He’d go to prison. If they killed him off, they’d just have Anna crying for months knowing this show’s propensity to having characters constantly at grave sites.
- Flo, B&B
Hating Flo is one thing many factions of B&B fans can agree on. I legit have only seen like three people that like her and I have so many questions for them. Like huh? Why? Is Brad Bell paying you? If so, how much? Because for a crisp twenty dollars, I’d be willing to pretend that Flo is the best character ever. I’d be effusive in my praise for the sainted baby thief. I’d proclaim that she’s the future of the show on Twitter as I use my bribe money on Taco Bell. Let me get in this action, Brad!
How I’d write Flo out: Have her leave Wyatt for a guy that smiles at her at the grocery store. That’s all it takes on B&B for a relationship to end and begin a new one.
- Chance, Y&R
Soaps have a way of making you regret asking for things. Fans have begged for Chance to return for years. Now that we have him, a lot of us would like to return or exchange him with a different model.
Even if you put aside that this version of the character looks older than the forty-something crowd and Donny Boaz being obnoxious on Twitter, he’s still terrible. Chance isn’t Southern. He doesn’t feel like he belongs on the show.
And they haven’t played up Chance’s connections to the show. He should be living at the Chancellor mansion, the house his grandmother owns and not a hotel. He’s barely had any scenes with his uncle Billy to the point that if you didn’t know the history of the show, you wouldn’t know they were related at all.
Instead Chance spends his days making kissy faces at Abby while acting like he really wants to give Abby’s brother Adam a smooch. Chance’s obsession with Adam is bizarre. I couldn’t imagine the last Chance proclaiming a bromance with Genoa City’s hottest sociopath. It would be like a beagle befriending a lion who escaped the zoo. But here we are with this version of Chance following around Adam and acting like he wants to push him on a swing while Adam squeals with glee. I just want it to stop.
How I’d write Chance out: Chance would bake Adam chocolate chip cookies and when Adam spits them out proclaiming that Chance used salt instead of sugar, Chance would flee town in disgrace. How could he disappoint his BFF that he totally doesn’t want to have sex with!
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It is looking like I might get my wish with one of these characters actually leaving. Dreams do come true! Now I’ll wait patiently for my dream to come true 11 more times.
Dispatches from Soap Land:
*Thomas on B&B had better hump the Hope mannequin. If you have a character talking to a doll like she’s real, the payoff has to be them writhing on top of it while another character catches him in the act.
*I kind of wish Summer on Y&R had spent more episodes sneaking around town dressed like Stevie Nicks. I was amused everytime.
*Nikolas and Ava on GH are everything. I grinned when he proclaimed that she liked his mouth. They’ve finally corrected the writing for them.
*I’m so happy that Days is bringing back Theo. Now I’m just wondering which blonde is Theo going to end up with. Claire or Allie?
