The year is almost over so the time has come to reflect on the best decisions made by each soap in 2022. Soap fans tend to focus on the negative so we have to think about the positives. If you prefer my musings when I’m ripping a show to shreds, I assure you that even when I’m trying to be nice I can be a bit of a bitch. Life is about balance, so you need a bit of salt with the sweetness.
10. Ending Billy’s Podcast, The Young and the Restless
Sometimes the best decision a soap can make is ending a story that is terrible. That was certainly the case with Billy’s venture into podcasting. It had no narrative value. Billy talking about his feelings didn’t move any stories forward. It had no character development because all of Billy’s man-pain monologues were all well-trodden territory with him. There was nothing entertaining about it. The podcast just seemed to exist to fill airtime and torment us. No one complained when the podcast ended this fall.
I do think it is worth praising a show when they listen to fans and realize a story isn’t working. Not all soaps do that. Y&R has problems, but if something sucks, it will usually be handled eventually. They are more inclined to listen to feedback than the other shows. If this were GH, they would have doubled down on the podcasts. GH is the “Fuck your feelings! If you don’t like it, we’re happy! Cry harder, baby!” soap. Y&R is more like “Please stop hitting us. Here’s our lunch money and Diane back from the dead.”
9. Killing Off Peter, General Hospital
GH doesn’t get credit for killing Peter off. We begged for five years to get rid of the character. I am grateful for the manner of death. Being killed by the mother of the woman he tormented was fitting. It was nice for them to let Felicia have that since she’s been sidelined for so long. It was also a good decision for Anna to let her nephew die because she knew it was the only way Maxie and Bailey Lou would be safe. Finola Hughes did a great job of making Anna still feel empathetic as she let a man die. It was also the best work Wes Ramsey ever did on GH. His tenure as Peter was prone to Snidely Whiplash overacting, so it was a pleasant surprise that he let that go and went for more natural acting for Peter’s death scene.
I initially wanted a murder mystery for Peter. More than half the canvas had a reason for wanting him dead, but I think this death was better. If it would have been a murder mystery, we would have been hearing about Peter for months. It would have been 3 to 6 months of discussion about him. Best to just forget he ever existed.
8. Finn’s Death Fakeout, The Bold and the Beautiful
Brad Bell is a bit of a hack. We’re currently on our millionth “Someone tricked Ridge into breaking up with Brooke” story. However, he’s still the soap head writer and executive producer most likely to pull off a surprise. Brad rarely does back-from-the-dead stories on B&B. He’s brought Taylor back from the dead twice and brought Sheila back from the dead after she died with Phyllis’s face on Y&R and that’s it. This made Finn not actually being dead a real surprise.
This is unfortunately the only B&B entry on this list. The show is currently inexcusably bad. I want to believe 2023 will be better, but we’re likely going to get two good weeks. Then it will devolve into a bunch of discussions about which penis should be in which vagina and Thomas will make Ridge think Brooke ate his onion rings, and he’ll run to Taylor promising it is because he loves her and not because Brooke is a scandalous onion ring thief. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
7. Killing Brando, General Hospital
Why did Sonny need a retcon cousin in the first place? The man has an absurd amount of children for a soap character. He didn’t need any more family in town. Yet two years ago they created Brando with no clearly defined purpose. Jason was still on the show so they didn’t need a Diet Jason at that time. He was just hanging around and being Sasha’s shoulder to lean on as tragedy after tragedy befell her. Finally, GH realized the character was useless and had him killed off in the poorly written The Hook serial killer story.
I do worry that GH has tortured Sasha too much. She became a crackhead, her baby died at Christmas, she went back to crack, she ran a sociopath over like a squirrel, she got put in a conservatorship, and her husband died. What are they going to do to her next? Are her eyes going to just pop out and a dog will eat them? Hair set on fire at Kelly’s? Is the ghost of her baby going to show up at Christmas and drag her to hell? All of those options seem plausible given Sasha’s luck.
6. Revitalizing The DiMera Family, Days of Our Lives
For years, the DiMera family was poorly represented. Now we have EJ, Chad, Johnny, Stefan, Kristen, and Tony all on the canvas at once. It feels like a miracle to have this many DiMeras in Salem. Head writer Ron Carlivati has done a good job revitalizing that family and centering EJ as the new head of the family. The musical chairs with the CEO of DiMera Enterprises is a bit much though. Days fans don’t really care about who runs the former mob front. The CEO of DiMera Enterprises could be a monkey driving a Barbie jeep and fans would be fine with that. I’d like to see conflicts in the family that don’t rely on the CEO position as a plot device.
5. Letting Valentin Eat Good In The Neighborhood, General Hospital
GH has had a problem with a lack of sex scenes for a while now so it was a surprise that they had Valentin go down on Anna. It delighted fans and had prudes actually call the FCC to complain about the non-explicit oral sex Anna received. If you are actually offended by sex scenes on a soap, maybe you should go watch the dry kisses on Hallmark Channel. Don’t ruin it for the rest of us just because you are a “Leave space for Jesus” kind of person. Anna Devane’s cooter deserves to be treated well, damn it.
4. Moving To Peacock, Days of Our Lives
It is unknown how Days now being on Peacock will go. It could be the beginning of the end. It could be what gives the show more years to entertain us. There have already been positives. No more breaking news interrupting the show because of congressional hearings or because some fancy old lady died. There are fewer commercials, or no commercials if you pay for that tier. You can watch the show whenever you want. The new episodes are on the site at 6 AM so you can eat breakfast and watch Salemites make poor life choices. There’s going to be swearing soon. Paul Telfer said himself that he is going to be saying asshole on the show, and that was music to my ears.
We know Peacock is spending money on the show. There are location shoots coming and Days actors sound positive about it. I still have my doubts about the future of a five-day-a-week soap on a streamer, but I’m going to be cautiously optimistic about this. Days is one of the biggest shows on Peacock. No one was tuning in for the Punky Brewster reboot.
3. Finally Resolving Keemo’s Whereabouts, The Young and the Restless
Fans have been asking for Keemo to return for years. We knew it was a long shot considering Peter Bergman has publicly stated he didn’t like the story where Jack found out he fathered a son during the Vietnam War. Soaps have a bad habit of letting some actors dictate story, so the only mention of Keemo in years was when Jack was replaced by a doppelganger in a throwaway joke. That was until they revealed Keemo had died and had a daughter named Allie.
I would have preferred that they kept Keemo alive, but I am happy that it was resolved. Years ago it would have felt impossible to get closure about Jack’s firstborn son, but now we can stop wondering where Keemo is. We also got Allie out of it, and she’s a good addition to the show. It is worrying that they dropped Kelsey Wang to recurring. Getting dropped to recurring on Y&R is usually how they politely fire someone. I don’t want that because the Abbott family needs another woman who is under 60.
2. Bringing Diane Back From The Dead, The Young and the Restless
It was a huge mistake to kill off Diane during the Maria Arena Bell era of the show. Maura West was sadly miscast as Diane, but it didn’t warrant the character getting beaten to death with a rock. Killing off Kyle’s mother and a reliable troublemaker was shortsighted. For years it felt like Diane getting resurrected was highly unlikely. Y&R will bring you back if you die in an explosion. They’ve done it three times with Adam. Being facedown in water for an extended period is harder to write around than just not getting blown up.
This made Diane’s return a huge shocker. They hand-waved the death by saying it was a corpse that she got with Deacon’s help to fake her death. This made no sense, but soap fans will accept any excuse to bring back a character that shouldn’t have died. If Colleen and Hilary showed up tomorrow and said that the Keebler elves have been keeping them captive for years, most fans wouldn’t question it. We’ll go along with anything if it gives us something we like.
I appreciate that they asked Susan Walters back. I know there are fans who prefer Alex Donnelley who originated the role, but Susan is my Diane. She plays off everyone so well and her return has given material to Melody Thomas Scott, Eileen Davidson, and Michelle Stafford. Melody and Michelle have spent the last few years as glorified day players, but now with Susan back, they have a story. I just want Diane to bite back more. She’s been entirely too nice about the hypocritical trio of Nikki, Ashley, and Phyllis trying to fuck with her. Let Diane be a huge bitch again.
1. All The Cheating
I really enjoyed almost all of the cheating we got on soaps in 2022. Allie on Days cheating on Tripp with Chanel was soapy. GH is finally letting my Josslyn be messy by cheating on Cameron with Dex. That’s a lot better than when they had her crying to rocks over the marble-mouthed dead boy. I don’t need Joss sleeping with men old enough to be her father like her mother did at this age, but I want them to continue getting her into drama and fraught situations.
Nikolas and Esme having sex was disgusting. A man having sex with his son’s girlfriend is good soap opera writing, but watching that scene made me regret asking GH for more sex. Yet it gave Maura West wonderful scenes to play when Ava confronted Nikolas about dicking down the high school graduate. I predict that will be Maura’s Emmy reel.
Even Y&R stopped being boring and got in on the cheating action. Amanda and Chance walking in on Devon and Abby banging on the couch was the soapiest thing to happen in 2022. It sucks that we’re losing Mishael Morgan, but at least she got a memorable sendoff. I lived for Amanda reading Devon for filth. Devon acts like he’s a good guy, but he’s made morally shitty decisions about where he puts his dong multiple times. He cheated on Amanda before with Elena. He slept with his adoptive father Neil’s wife and girlfriend. When confronted about it, he’s all “It just happened!” like his penis entering a vagina multiple times is comparable to a flat tire or mustard getting on your shirt.
The only cheating story I didn’t enjoy at all was Eric on B&B sleeping with Donna. This might be ageist, but I don’t need to see an 80-year-old man shirtless. The show has also spent too much time on Eric’s erections, or lack thereof, so I’d prefer to hear less about that. He can be the patriarch who gives advice and weighs in on the family drama and gets boners far, far offscreen.
Dispatches From Soap Land
*Was it really necessary to have multiple characters apologize to Chelsea after her suicide attempt? Johnny’s feelings about Chelsea being his biological mother were valid. Do better, Y&R.
*There are Days fans that find Susan annoying, but I’m not one of them. I find Stacy Haiduk’s portrayal of Susan to be endearing. She reminds me a bit of my mother. I hope this supposed death of Susan doesn’t last long.
*Just let Nikolas and Elizabeth get together. Sure, he got a 19-year-old pregnant, but at least he wouldn’t be telling everyone in Port Charles her business like Finn. The next time Liz gets a pap smear the doctor is going to know about her father’s affair and probably have her Hulu password too. It will be a bit awkward when he asks her if she’s too poor for the commercial-free tier.
