Written By Mike Mueller & Kimmy Sokol
Kimmy’s Intro: New year, new goals, and me going into this year ready to beat Mike on our first prediction piece of 2023. The Royal Rumble is one of my favorite shows of the year because it kickstarts Wrestlemania season, and you never know what is going to happen. There seem to be big surprises looming for the respective Royal Rumble matches, as well as two championship matches, and a pitch-black match. So, with that being said, here are our Royal Rumble 2023 predictions.
Mike’s Intro: New year, same perfection as always. Once again, Kimmy has copied my homework and we have the exact predictions for these matches. However, our logic is very different, and we have a few differing opinions as to how all of this is going to shake out. The Royal Rumble is my favorite event of the year, ahead of Wrestlemania and Money in the Bank, and this year has me more excited than I’ve been in a long time. Let’s just hope HHH is still in charge of creative, and Vince hasn’t done a hostile takeover of that as well.
*Kimmy edit* I literally write this article first before sharing the Google Doc with Mike so it is not possible for him to copy me, just saying*
Raw Women’s Championship Match: Bianca Belair vs Alexa Bliss:
Kimmy: This match can go both ways. With Uncle Howdy seeming to be making an impact on Bliss in the last couple of weeks, can he potentially get involved and help Alexa win the title? The problem with Belair right now is that she has wrestled and defeated mainly everyone on the Raw women’s roster, so coming up with a believable challenger for her is not easy. Although Bliss winning the title would be different, in good faith picking against Belair on the road to Wrestlemania is a bad idea, which is probably what Mike is going to do anyway.
Winner: “And Still” Bianca Belair
Mike: I have learned my lesson about picking against Bianca Belair. Fool me 11 times, shame on you. Fool me 12 times, shame on me. Bianca winning this match is my lock of the night for a few reasons. First, Bianca is being built as the biggest star in the women’s division and having her drop the title before Wrestlemania would be strange booking. Second, Alexa’s storyline, like any Bray Wyatt-related storyline, doesn’t need a title in the picture. It’s better if championships are kept as far away from anything to do with these storylines as possible. Alexa winning here makes no sense.
Winner: “And Still” Bianca Belair
Mountain Dew Pitch-Black Match: LA Knight vs Bray Wyatt:
Kimmy: If anyone can answer my question about what a pitch-black match is before Saturday night that would be helpful. This is most likely going to be a cinematic match since that is the only thing that makes sense and this build has been interesting, to say the least. LA Knight is a star he has been since he was in NWA and he is my early pick to win the MITB in July, but him losing here to Wyatt is not helping his case towards that. Whatever this match turns out to be it will be great to see Wyatt back in the ring in his creepy ways. Also do not be shocked if we see the reveal of Uncle Howdy in this match and you will have to see to Bo-Lieve who Uncle Howdy is.
Winner: Bray Wyatt
Mike: If you think we are going to get the reveal of Uncle Howdy at this year’s Royal Rumble, I have a bridge for sale with your name on it! We are just starting to peel this onion, and a reveal of Uncle Howdy at this point is stupid. I’m going to go on record and say that we should never get an Uncle Howdy reveal. This is not a “higher power” Ministry of Darkness sort of deal. Uncle Howdy, just like all of Bray’s creations, is simply a character, and not a “man behind the mask.” As far as the match goes, this is far from the lock that everybody seems to think it is. Uncle Howdy has dropped Bray before. He may drop Bray again, and LA Knight gets a surprising win. Do I desperately want to see that? YEAH. Am I confident enough to make it an official pick? …No.
Winner: Bray Wyatt
Undisputed WWE Universal Championship Match: Roman Reigns vs Kevin Owens:
Kimmy: The moment in this match when Sami Zayn betrays the Bloodline and aligns himself with his best friend to try and help him win the Universal Championship will be the moment of the year. The build to this match has been great and this is the third time these two men have faced at this pay-per-view, so you know the match is going to be good. Although Owens will come up short, this match is going to be a banger. All hail the tribal chief.
Winner: “And Still” Roman Reigns
Mike: It blows me away how Kimmy’s logic can be so wrong, yet she still gets to the right answer. It’s like in math class when you use the wrong formula but still somehow end up with the right solution. Sami is not betraying The Bloodline. The Bloodline has to betray Sami (see below for the reason), and that will likely happen the following week on Raw or Smackdown. Sami will be instrumental in helping Roman retain the title here, as he will once again betray Kevin Owens.
Winner: “And Still” Roman Reigns
30-Woman Royal Rumble Match:
Kimmy: This match is the hardest to pick on the whole card because there are so many ways that this match can go. Luckily this year they decided not to announce all of the surprises for the woman’s rumble like they did last year. The main question is who the winner will be facing. Given that Charlotte just came back, the Rumble winner should go after her because of the lack of use the blue brand has in its women’s division. The Smackdown women’s division needs a tune-up in 2023 and adding whoever is going to win the Rumble to that roster would cause a major shake-up that they need. Unfortunately, given who I think is going to win that will not be happening, as she will be going after Bianca Belair and the Raw Women’s Championship. Mark my words: 2023 will be the year of Judgement Day.
- Most eliminations: Candice LeRae with 4
- Longest time in the match: Bayley
- Shortest time in the match: Xia Li
- One surprise I’d like to see: Chelsea Green
Winner: Rhea Ripley
Mike: A typical rule of thumb in picking a Rumble winner is they need to either have beef with the current champion, or they need to not be weighed down by a tag team or a current rivalry. Becky and Bayley have their thing going on. Alexa is embedded in the Bray storyline. Io and Dakota are dealing with Candace LaRae. You can go ahead and scrap those six. This leaves the realistic possibilities of Ronda Rousey, Asuka, Liv Morgan, Raquel Rodriguez, Shayna Baszler, and Rhea Ripley.
If Ronda is in the rumble, I hope she and Shayna have a blowout that leads to their feud. Asuka is a previous winner, and it’s still too early to have a multi-time champion in the Women’s rumble. Liv is a lovable underdog, but it’s been proven time and time again that she does not shine in the main event. Raquel Rodriguez is a very sexy pick. She had a great match against Ronda but ultimately came up short. While I believe she is a future world champion, it still seems a bit too soon for her. That leaves Rhea. She’s been built up like a total stud. Her character work is off the charts. On top of that, she’s got the look, talent, and support (Justice for Prison Dom!) to be a real threat to whoever she goes after. This is Rhea’s year.
- Most eliminations: Raquel Rodriguez, with 7
- Longest time in the match: Candace LeRae
- Shortest time in the match: Dana Brooke
- One surprise I’d like to see: Naomi
Winner: Rhea Ripley
30-Man Royal Rumble Match:
Kimmy: For the people who are upset that WWE announced Cody Rhodes for the Rumble just think of all the other surprises that we will be getting in this match. This match should be fun, but an easy win for the American Nightmare and he will come in at number one and win the whole thing.
- Most eliminations: Seth Rollins with 5
- Longest time in the match: Cody Rhodes
- Shortest time in the match: Akira Tozawa
- One surprise I’d like to see: Matt Cardona
Winner: Cody Rhodes
Mike: I am one of those people who are upset they announced Cody. I thought no build up for him would have made it great for him to come in at #30 and win, though it would be very similar to what Brock did last year (yuck!). A lot of people, including my podcast co-host, are convinced that Sami is going to win. I see it playing out differently. I see Sami being the last one eliminated, and being the final disappointment for Roman Reigns, and what is used to kick Sami out of the Bloodline. Sami will then go on to have the match of the night against Roman at Elimination Chamber (in Montreal). Upon his entrance, Sami will receive the loudest pop in the history of the business.
IF a surprise entrant does win the rumble, it is going to be The Rock, but my gut says this is all about Cody. Seth Rollins enters at #1, Cody enters at #2 and takes the whole thing.
- Most eliminations: Gunther with 6
- Longest time in the match: Cody Rhodes
- Shortest time in the match: Rey Mysterio (eliminated by Kross)
- One surprise I’d like to see: Bron Breakker
Winner: Cody Rhodes
The Royal Rumble 2023 airs Saturday, January 28th exclusively on Peacock.
