It is a new year, so it is time to share what I want from soaps in 2025. Last year, a few of my wishes came true like GH dressing Maxie better, freeing Elizabeth from Finn and Lulu waking up. I try to keep my wishes at least semi-realistic, so I’m not going to wish for anything I know won’t happen, like Brad Bell giving up on a certain geriatric triangle or Jason Morgan getting his memories back.
Figure Out What To Do With Liam
There was a time when Scott Clifton was the male lead of B&B. Entire episodes would be devoted to characters discussing which vagina Liam should penetrate. The narrative was stuck on Liam and his fickle dong. That hasn’t been the case in the last few years. Now Liam has been downgraded to a talk to. The only notable things about him in 2024 were a scene where Ivy kissed him and him showing Hope a PowerPoint presentation. That’s it.
I think Liam’s narrative status would be different if the triangle with Hope and Steffy were still going on. I think Brad Bell backed off for two reasons. 1. Fans hate that triangle more than Nick Cannon hates wearing a condom. 2. Jacqueline MacInnes Wood has publicly talked about not wanting to play that triangle anymore. Brad probably fears her quitting over it. Jacqueline’s husband has a good job at CAA. She would not be broke if she got fed up and quit.
They need to stop this weird limbo. Either fire Scott or give Liam something to do. I’m sure Scott likes being employed, but he can’t be happy going from lead to someone who was in less than a hundred episodes last year. Brad usually would have fired an actor playing a character he was this bored with by now.
Kill Poppy Off
It has been revealed that Finn lost his virginity to his Aunt Poppy at 18 years old and he might be Luna’s father. Finn and Poppy aren’t biologically related, but it is grooming behavior and a level of ick that needs to be punished. Luna killing two dudes is more socially acceptable on a soap than incest and grooming. Poppy should die in a fight with Li when she finds out her sister banged her son.
Recast Thomas
I feel like a broken record asking for this over and over again, but B&B needs Thomas. There’s no way he wouldn’t be in LA with everything going on at Forrester Creations and with his parents being reunited. It is out of character. There are a lot of men with dark hair who are in the 35 to 40 year old age group who would love a job. With networks and streamers greenlighting less projects, Brad could probably get a name actor if he wanted one. I think hiring someone like Matthew Daddario or Zane Holtz is doable.
Stop The Meta Shit
Being meta can be fun in certain situations and small doses, but Days took it too far with Body & Soul. The whole thing felt like a vessel for Ron Carlivati to complain about fans complaining and leaks. Just really self-indulgent and obnoxious. Hopefully since Ron is no longer head writer, they can dial it back to occasional winks at the audience. If I wanted to watch Soapdish, I would just put on Soapdish.
Pick A Long Term Love Interest For EJ
Dan Feuerriegel has been playing EJ since 2021. In four years, EJ hasn’t had a love interest where he was that woman’s first choice and that was steady. He’s just been bounced around. It has undermined Dan’s leading man status. Dan is talented and handsome. Let him play an actual love story that lasts for more than five minutes.
Revisiting EJ and Belle is exciting, but I doubt that will last. They always put Belle back with Shawn shortly after they have a breakup. They need to figure something out for EJ. Being community dick for Salem would be one thing if he were 25 years old, but he’s in his 40s.
Bring Out The Church Set For Funerals and Weddings
I understand that Days is the poor soap. It is one of the reasons why most of the cast members have been fired at least once. Yet I want them to find some coins to use a church set for funerals and weddings. It just looks nicer than having it amongst some fake trees. If you need to find some savings for the expense, do a few bottle episodes after that.
Natalia Needs To Go
GH has made strides since I wrote two columns about how much it sucked last year. The show is actually watchable right now. Yet Natalia is still a flop character and a reminder of how much they shit the bed in 2024. She still doesn’t have chemistry with Sonny or any other characters. I know Frank Valentini is stubborn, but even he needs to admit when the jig is up.
Nothing they’ve tried has redeemed the character. Perjuring herself to help Kristina didn’t work. The apologies didn’t move fans. Not even the stretch where they used her sparingly made us have charitable thoughts about Natalia. A flop is a flop and they need to stop wasting Eva LaRue’s time.
Stop The Hop On Pop Stories
I dislike age gap discourse, but I’m going to need for GH to stop having these men who are almost elderly banging women who are young enough to be their daughters. First it was Drew and Willow and now they are toying with Jason and Sasha. I realize Jason has a history of sniffing around pregnant women like a truffle pig, but I don’t need to see Jason banging a woman who is having his nephew’s baby. They can find a more age appropriate option for Jason.
Have Stories That Aren’t Just About Babies and Children
GH has really been focused on babies and kids lately. They’ve had three stories about custody in Willow fighting to get her kids, Sonny and Ava’s custody battle and Lulu trying to get Charlotte from Valentin. Brook Lynn and Chase are trying to have a baby, and Sasha is pregnant. Not to mention the revelation that Brook Lynn had a baby as a teen. It is excessive.
I realize soaps naturally gravitate to these types of stories, but too much of them can be tiresome. Not everything should be about kids. It starts to feel like every episode is some woman crying about her child. There’s more to life and soap opera than these types of stories. Sometimes soaps need to be self-aware and realize they are doing too much of the same thing and they need variety.
Villains That Are Under 50
With no disrespect to Colleen Zenk and Ray Wise, who are wonderful actors, Y&R needs to create villains who wouldn’t reside in Shady Pines and not be at risk of the DMV telling them they can’t drive anymore. Seeing Ian and Victor struggle over that gun was ridiculous. Y&R in general needs more youth, but it is in dire need of young villains.
There are many different ways they could do this. They could create a cosmetics mogul who is out to undermine Jabot. They could create a crazy woman who seduces Mariah and wants Tessa out of the picture. They could bring Reed back with a gold digging girlfriend who clashes with Victoria. There are different types of villainy that could be explored with characters that aren’t likely to die from falling in the shower.
Write Abby Out
They’ve already dropped Melissa Ordway to recurring, but I think they should just send Abby to Paris. Devon deserves a love interest that is on contract and relevant to the canvas. Y&R hasn’t written Abby properly in years. The character can be rested for a while and return when they have an actual interest in using her. It is okay to just outright fire an actor when you aren’t interested in using the character right now.
Let Nikki Be A Society Lady Again
I’m so tired of Nikki in the corporate world. This was never Bill Bell’s intention for the character. You can’t convince me that Nikki would want to look at spreadsheets at 70 years old. She didn’t want to do that 40 years ago. Why would she want it in her twilight years? Let her go back to planning galas and occasionally falling off the wagon. Not every character needs a corporate job.
Dispatches From Soap Land
*I expect Brad Bell will use Luna as a wedge between Steffy and Finn like he used Sheila. A lot of “She’s crazy, Finn!” “She’s my daughter! I’m going to push her on the swing whether you like it or not! Herp derp!” “If you push her on the swing, we are over! I’ll take the kids to Italy!”
*I’m really enjoying Trina and Kai on GH. I wanted a Spencer recast, but I can admit having another pairing does benefit Trina. You don’t want young characters to be package deals too soon.
*Sharon on Y&R saving herself was a nice touch. It is actually fairly rare for a soap heroine to save themselves, so I’ll give Josh Griffith props for that. The bad part is Sharon didn’t get to confront Ian and Jordan for drugging her with PCP and framing her for murder.
