Own, Rent, Avoid: Guy Ritchie Films

This is the newest column for the B&B: Own, Rent, Avoid. The concept is actually a version of the game “Shag, Marry, Kill” (replace “shag” with a rather salty word for the U.S. version) that people often play when speaking about celebrities.

So, we’re going to take the same principles but change them to “Own, Rent, Avoid” and apply the theory to films and albums.

In our debut column, we’re going to look at the films of Guy Ritchie. With Sherlock Holmes being released on Christmas Day, we figured this would be a perfect opportunity to critique the films of the former Mr. Madonna. I’d like to note that his most popular film, Snatch, is not included on this list. I figured that most people have seen and love Snatch, and the films we’ve chosen are little more obscure.
— Bill Bodkin

The movie that started it all for Ritchie. The film was originally just supposed to be a low-budget indie British gangster flick that happened to be produced by Sting’s wife, Trudie Styler, and directed by an acclaimed music video director. But Lock, Stock became not only the highest grossing U.K. film in 1998, but to that point the highest grossing indie film in U.K. history. It would also launch Jason Statham, Jayson Flemying and Vinnie Jones’ careers in the U.S.

The film revolves around four friends (Flemying, Statham, Nick Moran and Dexter Fletcher) who want to make a big score. They bank roll Eddie (Moran), a top card shark, with all their life’s savings, so he can get into a high stakes poker game run by a local porn magnate. Knowing the talent of young Eddie, the magnate cheats and Eddie not only loses his friends money but ends up owing double and if they don’t pay … they’re all dead. So in a mad dash to make some cash, they rip off local gangsters, who’ve been ripping off local drug dealers. Subplots about two ancient shotguns, a whole lot of marijuana, a cameo by Sting and 125-plus droppings of the F bomb, and we’ve got ourselves a caper flick.

The appeal of Lock, Stock was a combination of what would become Ritchie trademarks: uniquely named criminals whose lives Tarantino-ly criss-cross within the span of a week. A meticulously perfect soundtrack featuring ’70s soul and funk, ’90s Brit rock and some random oddities combine perfectly with Ritchie’s unique cinematography and cut scenes. It’s a style many, including Ritchie himself in layer years, would try to recapture but failed miserably.

In plain English, the film is a British Tarantino flick combined with all the elements of a clever con movie like The Sting. It’s violent, it’s funny and it’ll keep you guessing to the end.

In 2008, Guy Ritchie was desperate for a hit film. After directing the abominable Swept Away, starring ex-wife Madonna and the miserable pseudo-intellectual gangster flick Revolver, Ritchie return to his London crime film roots.

RocknRolla is a story of deceit, excess and land deals in London. One Two (Gerard Butler) and Mumbles (Idris Elba of Obsessed and The Office) are two former tough guys looking to go straight. They try to broker a land deal but end up in the sticky web of lies spun by London millionaire, gangster and bad guy Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson). The former crooks must reluctantly dive back into the world of crime at the behest of Cole, and, of course, hijinks and chicanery ensue. A huge monkey wrench is thrown in when presumed dead junkie rock star Johnny Quid (Tobby Kebbell) comes into the mix and wants a piece of the action for himself.

While not as clever and funny as Lock, Stock or Snatch, RocknRolla showed that Ritchie still had some magic left. The film is a bit frustratingly slow at the outset, thanks in part to a bland performance by the film’s female lead Thandie Newtown. However, the slow build is quite intentional (the film is the first of a supposed trilogy) and the second act is vintage Ritchie — high-octane editing, snappy dialogue, tough guys throwing punches and one heck of an ending.

The film is enjoyable, and I recommend weathering the initial storm of the first half hour. Performances by the always,smiling Butler and a scene,stealing performances from new Ritchie favorite Mark Strong are worth the cost of a rent.

Well … you have to give credit for trying.

In 2005, Revolver debuted to awful reviews and grossed under one million pounds in the U.K. and under $100,00 in the U.S. After viewing the film, one can understand why.

The movie “revolves” around Jake Green (a bearded and long-haired Jason Statham), who after being released from jail, heads to a nameless casino and takes the owner, Dorothy “Mr. D” Macha (Ray Liotta), for a huge sum of money. Green leaves the casino, keels over and wakes up in the care of Vinny Pastore and Andre 3000. Green is informed that he has three days to live — then, Big Pussy and 3000 demand all his money in return for protection from Macha. Green agrees, and then spends the rest of the film wondering who his enemy really is while trying to take more money from Macha.

Confusing? Yes. Nonsensical? You bet.

Ritchie’s clever camera work and a strong performance by Andre 3000 can’t make up for the fact this is one of the worst movies ever made. It tries to be Snatch at times and other times like a philosophical text. Don’t believe me? At the end of the film, Ritchie actually has philosophical and spiritual writers like Deepak Chopra speaking during the credits, trying to explain the themes. I am not even joking. Please avoid this film at all costs.