Kicking off RAW, live from Memphis, Michael Cole is wearing the ugliest suit I have ever seen in my life. We start out with Dean Ambrose comes out to talk about Seth Rollins and how he is not finished with him. Cutting a great promo is easy for Ambrose, so of course John Cena has to interrupt. Ambrose out of the box says he is not happy to see Cena and wonders if Cena is about to give him a reason to hate him too. Crowd pops huge for that. Cena retorts of course, whining about Rollins interfering last night. This brings out The Authority to confront the debating duo. Triple H says neither one will face Seth Rollins, however a brawl ensues and everyone is fighting mad. Rollins drives off while Cena and Ambrose stare each other down. Interesting indeed.
Backstage Kane is ordered to face Dean Ambrose while Randy Orton gets John Cena for the billionth time. Wonderful. For a moment we all wanted Cena and Ambrose to fight. I wanted it, you wanted it. We all wanted it. I wonder if this means Cena is out of the title picture?
Our first match is a rematch for the Intercontinental Championship as now Dolph Ziggler challenges The Miz for the title. R-Ziggler not at ringside, however Damien Miz-dow remains by Miz’s side. This match was ten-times better than Night of Champions. In a shocker, Dolph Ziggler pulls a Miz by pulling the tights in a rollup, and reclaims the title! Did not see that coming, but damn does this make mid-tier title matches exciting now!
Up next, we recap Jack Swagger defeating Bo Dallas on RAW last week, but then Dallas gets even on SmackDown. Well, it seems Swagger’s RAW winning streak continues as he forces Dallas to tap out to the Patriot Lock in a short and well-paced match. Post match, Zeb Colter rubs it in a high-pitched mockery of Dallas by Bo-Lieving he just tapped out to a Real American.
Michael Cole’s suit is ugly. I can’t stand it.
“What about that outfit Summer is almost wearing.” Oh Jerry Lawler, keep it classy. They show clips from Total Divas where Natalya and Summer Rae fight in a car. Good lord. Summer Rae goes back to being a bitchy-heel. This was terrible. A piss-poor attempt to cross WWE RAW and Total Divas. In any case, Natalya destroys Summer Rae. Funny part, partners Rosa Mendes and Layla didn’t get tagged in once. Not that it matters. Just stop this crap. Stop it.
Moving on to something good at the top of the hour, Dean Ambrose goes one-on-one with Kane. It bugs me, because Kane looks like just a regular Joe Shmoe, and has completely lost any element of intimidation. He’s just a big lug. Ambrose takes the hard beating like a champ, being thrown into the ring stairs and eating multiple big boots. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Ambrose counters into the Dirty Deeds DDT, but Rollins dives in before the pinfall could be counted, resulting in a DQ win for Ambrose. His parting gift is a chokeslam from Kane. Ambrose gets up as Rollins gloats.
Backstage: Kane and Rollins gloat when Triple H cautions Rollins to stop antagonizing everyone. Ambrose dives from an alternate dimension and attacks everyone. Stephanie tells security to lock Ambrose in a closet, locking and security is to guard the door.
The announce team cover Roman Reigns and his emergency hernia surgery. It is revealed the hernia was more serious than originally anticipated and post-surgery, Reigns will be out of action for several months. Tough break for a rising star, but I’m hopeful he will benefit from recuperating.
Very nice plug for Connor’s Cure, a young boy who passed away recently as a result of cancer and was very much supported by WWE.
We’ve got a big six-man tag match with Sheamus and The Usos against Cesaro and The Dusts. Fantastic match. I love how WWE tries so hard to push The Dusts as heel, but then you put them with Cesaro, another heel who the fans cheer for. Great back and forth, everyone having a turn controlling the match. Usos this time pick up the win following a number of missed finishers by everyone, with Jey Uso finally connecting with the big splash on Goldust for the win. Looks like both feuds will continue, and no complaints here.
Backstage: Randy Orton gets ready for John Cena. Seth Rollins arrives to thank Orton for taking this match tonight, and he will be at ringside with Kane, with a surprise. Satisfied, Orton says he just loves surprises, and looks forward to tonight. Will there be cake?
Dean Ambrose still locked in a closet. Somehow I bet by the end of the show, he won’t be in there anymore.
Mark Henry comes to the ring and gets all mopey with an apology for letting America down, while JBL berates him from ringside. Same bit from a month ago, just sub Henry with Jack Swagger. Maybe JBL should step into the ring. In any event, Lana and Rusev arrive to further add insult to injury, and offer a rematch. Henry accepts and here we go. Pretty much the same match from last night, this time Henry got a tad bit more offense in, but “the injury” nagged at Henry which allowed Rusev to easily lock on the Accolade, this time forcing Henry to pass out. Once again, copying the feud when involving Swagger.
Yeah yeah, everyone’s hoping Kurt Angle will arrive to be Mr. America against Rusev the Russian. Angle is not in his prime anymore, would it be a good match?
Well, we got the Gobbledey Gooker, and now we have The Bunny teaming with Rosebud leader Adam Rose to take on Titus O’Neal and Heath Slater. During the match JBL drones on about all the different ways he would mutilate The Bunny. The crowd is dead, to the point where you can tell it’s only the Exotic Express singing. The Bunny gets a hot tag and cleans house. Jumping thrust kick, a tag to Rose who hits the Party Foul on Slater and wins the match. My guess is Justin Gabriel in a bunny suit. Can’t think of anyone else doing nothing else and can fly like that. Still stupidity at its finest here. This is messed up to waste time like this on RAW. This is what happens when you have an overcrowded roster. Titus deserves better.
RAW is falling downhill fast. What the hell is going on with the booking? Why didn’t I watch Gotham tonight?
To answer my dilemma, we now get Brie and Nikki Bella arguing yet again. Can this get worse? It can! Nikki wants a match with the stipulation where if she wins, Brie can’t be a “Bella” anymore. Oh hell. This is the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed. Catfight, and Nikki is sent scurrying. AJ Lee comes out, because apparently she is wrestling Nikki tonight. It just gets worse. Paige is at commentary. Announce team wisely focuses on the Twitter hashtag #BunnyMania. This match is a train wreck. Nikki’s wrestling skills are on par with the Great Khali. She had no idea how to apply a basic arm submission. I did not hear any CM Punk chants. AJ wins by submission. Shoot me.
Yeah, I bet Ambrose might have something to say about Rollins and his surprise tonight.
I barely watched the main event between John Cena and Randy Orton. The “surprise” was kept in a big box at ringside. The match was like the other eighty matches they’ve had. Uneventful and boring. It was as if the John Cena we saw for the past month just vanished into another dimension. Cena and Orton probably didn’t have to rehearse at all, they both sleptwalk through the match and kept the pace so painfully slow even the “big moments” were slower than Big Show running to the ring. Cena slaps the STF on Orton which cues Rollins and Kane to dive into the ring, forcing the DQ finish. Thankfully, when Kane went to reveal the “surprise” we got Dean Ambrose jumping out and mauls everyone. Somehow he got out of the locked closet. He nearly decapitates Rollins with a slingshot clothesline. Cena and Ambrose clean house, Rollins runs away and Kane is down. Ambrose’s music plays as RAW goes off the air.
Nice-but-predictable finish. However, tonight’s RAW was overall horrible. Only good matches was the six-man tag, Ziggler/Miz, and anything involving Dean Ambrose. No Brock Lesnar, no Rabbi Heyman, no talk about Hell in the Cell or the prospects of the WWE Championship match.
It was as if WWE recognized Night of Champions was a bust and did their best to gloss over it.
Really should have watched Gotham tonight.