Review: Jersey Shore Season 4 Season

bill bodkin has seen them in Seaside … now they’re in Italy …

We found ’em in the club.

Yes, things seemed to be going somewhat well for the debut episode of Jersey Shore Season 4 — that was until they hit the clubs in Italy.

After three seasons of cringe-inducing idiocy, blatant debauchery and sophomoric melodrama, I felt that 80 percent of the debut episode of Season 4 was actually enjoyable. I think a lot of it had to do with the beautiful Florentine scenery the cast was in. Maybe my eyes were diverted from the train wreck, distracted by Italy’s charm.

It was refreshing to see the cast, known for fist-pumping, shots and being absurd, to be in legitimate awe of Italy. This was evidence mostly by Pauley D and Vinnie’s excitement throughout the episode. You could tell these guys were legit excited unlike their faux-fanaticism for the Jersey Shore they seemed to be forcing out by Season 3. The train wreck that is par for the course on the show seemed to be pushed to the side as we were given expansive views of Italian countrysides, old-world stone streets and just the simple beauty of Florence.

But then we found the real show in the club. As soon as Deena mentioned D’Jais in Belmar, N.J. (which let me clarify, D’Jais is a great club — if you want to dance at the Jersey Shore, you’d be hard up to find a better spot), we knew that something wasn’t right in Denmark … or Florence. I was slapped back to reality. It was just a clunker of a statement, you could hear the brakes screeching to a halt. It seemed so forced, so out of left field that it seems like it was scripted for her to say. Imagine that — a scripted statement on a reality show.

That statement opened the flood gates for montages of “The Jersey Turnpike” dance, shots and random make-out sessions. Any indication this season of Jersey Shore wasn’t going to be more than just train-wreck TV in a pretty setting was blown out of the water. And maybe it was the late hour when I watched it, but why did I should expect anything different from this show?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WV93y5AIrfU

Then, the episode ended worse than I could’ve imagined. Pauley and Deena engaged in an epic tongue battle. It was the so epic, it made the Battle of Endor look like a skirmish. It was one of the most graphic TV kisses I’ve seen outside of an episode of Red Shoe Diaries. My stomach turned.

As the credits rolled, all I could say was, “Welcome to the Jersey Shore … bitch.”

Thoughts & Observations

Holy weight loss and plastic surgery J-WOWW!
I’ve always thought under her make-up, J-Woww was an attractive woman. Since Season 1, she has carved herself up, enhancing a lot of body parts while micro-sizing her weight. It seems like she’s trying to look like Angelina Jolie and failing … hard. And did I hear her “juicehead” Roger encourage her not to gain any weight? Feed her a cheeseburger stat!

Why the Flat-line?
So in the “coming soon” trailer when “The Sitch” and Ronnie have their brawl why do we hear the heart monitor sound effect? And when we cut from a woozy Situation to the ambulance he’s presumably put in, why the flat-line sound effect? We all know The Situation didn’t die! Just a very surreal editing choice.

No Sam and Ron?
Good!

The Sitch and Snooki?
For reals?

I Thought They Couldn’t Club?
Remember that whole controversy that the local Italian government made about how the cast couldn’t be filmed in clubs, drinking or being drunk? Oh Italy, you’re hypocrisy is as thick and tasty as your pasta.

Vinnie and Pauley Mock Guidos?
In the coming-soon promo, we saw the duo making fun of guido culture, fist pumps, track suits and tans. These two get it — they know the reality of their reality show, and when they do their wink to the camera humor, it’s one of the few bearable moments on the show.