Written by Kelly O’Dowd
I used work at a large chain bookstore for about 8 years. In this time, I needed to recommend multiple books to parents about what would be a good book for their child. I’d like to believe that I was good at this, at least I never had a complaint. I did, and still do, however, have a…uh… let’s call it a knack to be sarcastic. I have held my tongue for years as a bookseller, but now that I am not, I can unleash my snark on the rest of the world. My brother and sister-in-law would not appreciate my humor if I gave my nephew any of these books while he was so young.
I will wait until he is at least 8.
Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre – H.P. Lovecraft
Personally, I’m all for reading short stories aloud to kid, but it’s best to wait till the kid can understand how psychological horror works before they understand and learn the history of their Elder Gods.
The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown*
Let’s damage the kid’s understanding of the written word before he even reads and writes! Also let’s give him a skewed version of history! Woohoo!
A Song of Ice and Fire Series – George R.R. Martin (Otherwise known as “The Game of Thrones books”)
It has dragons! It’s like The Lord of the Rings! But with more death. And sex. And incest. BUT DRAGONS!
Go the Fuck to Sleep – Adam Mansbach
The audio version will totally lull your baby to sleep with Samuel L. Jackson’s soothing voice. Actually, the more I think about this, this is the perfect book for a toddler….
The Stranger – Camus
Because who doesn’t want their kid to have an existential crisis at an early age? I say it’s better to get it out of their system now then waiting for high school and college.
The Adventures of the Princess and Mr. Whiffle: The Thing Beneath the Bed – Patrick Rothfuss
If you haven’t seen this picture book, you need to. This is hands down the best picture book out there. Oh, and the author has stickers that say “This Shit Ain’t For Kids” for the cover if you want them. But I disagree, you have teach children that even bad things can look pretty.
Now these might not be the best books to give to my nephew, but just wait until I baby sit the kid and there’s story time with Aunt Kelly.
*Disclaimer: I would NEVER EVER give ANYONE The Da Vinci Code. Not even ironically.