Written by Matthew Widdis
Quiet on the set as we open the show with a compulsory version of Miz TV. Wild card in effect as he is being forced to host special guests, Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre. He reveals a novelty T-shirt of his father and reads the index cards with little enthusiasm to introduce his guests. Shane-O-Mac and the Scottish Psychopath come down to the ring with Elias as highlights from Shane vs Roman Reigns at Super Showdown plays. Shane laments Miz’s inadequate introduction skills while Elias belts out a few bars of the blues. Miz runs down Shane for being unable to win on his own and Drew for being his lackey. Shane brings up that Roman has a lot in common with Miz: an “0” in their record vs Shane. Shane says it’s because Miz has the genetics of Mr Miz, pointing to his shirt. Miz stands up and McIntyre blocks his way. There they stand, leather duster to leather duster until Shane offers another shot at “the best in the world” right then and there. All he has to do is beat Elias… and then Drew McIntyre… to earn the shot.
The Miz vs Elias
After getting handled for most of the match, Miz avoids a top rope elbow drop. As Elias gets back up, a Skull-Crushing Finale ends it.
Your winner by pinfall… The Miz!
Drew McIntyre vs The Miz
Miz starts out on fire but gets sent into the steel ring stepson the outside. Big Mac manhandles Miz until he hits the ringpost. Miz take him on a tour of the ringside area and attempts a springboard maneuver that goes awry. He recovers but Shane distracts him. A Glasgow Kiss puts Miz down and a Claymore puts him away.
Your winner by pinfall… Drew McIntyre!
Shane gets in the ring and on the mic. He says that, all things considered, they should have their match anyway.
The Miz vs Shane McMahon
As Miz sits up, he is greeted with jab combos by Shane. He fights back and even goes for a Skull-Crushing Finale. Shane boots the face of the already-battered Miz and locks in a triangle hold. Miz is forced to tap out.
Your winner by submission and still “the best in the world…” Shane McMahon!
McIntyre carries Shane around on his shoulders in celebration.
In the hallways, Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville interrupt Ember Moon’s Nintendo Switch session with a stack of HERS magazines with Mandy’s cover shoot. She admonishes Fire & Desire for their recent attack on Carmella. Sonya slaps her Switch down and Mandy leads her off for her match with Carmella. Ember seethes for a moment as they walk away and explodes in screams and garbage bin tossing.
The Planet’s Tag Team Champions, Daniel Bryan & Rowan announce a title unification match… against the Yolo County Tag Team Champions, AJ Kirsch & Dave Dutra! Yolo’s Finest shine up their cardboard real nice but out comes Heavy Machinery. Tucker and Otis call them “elitist cowards” for ducking their challenges. Daniel suggests that they earn the opportunity by beating the Yolo County champs.
Heavy Machinery vs these guys over here (more on them in my final thoughts)
This goes the way you figure it does. Tucker uses Otis as a weapon before the blue collar brothers literally play catch with one of their opponents and The Compactor seals his fate.
Your winners by pinfall… Heavy Machinery
In the back, R-Truth is running down the 24/7 title changes that happened in both [redacted] and the United States over the weekend. He was stuck in an elevator with four challengers and even had to pin a sleeping Jinder Mahal at 49000 feet (Celsius!) to get it back after being pinned on the airport tarmac. When they hear someone approach, he jumps into a road crate but is trapped inside as it’s locked and ‘Mella has to go have a match. Jinder comes along and, upon hearing Truth’s cries for help, impersonates Carmella before running off to fetch a crowbar (and likely a referee.)
Carmella vs Sonya Deville (w/ Mandy Rose)
Carmella is out the gates like a thoroughbred but, after a break in the corner, it’s all Sonya. ‘Mella mounts comebacks but Mandy gets in the way every time. After a tope suicida on both women, Carmella is distracted again that allows Sonya to nail a step-up knee strike for the win.
Your winner by pinfall… Sonya Deville!
Alexa Bliss is sipping her coffee in the locker room when Nikki Cross comes in. Alexa warns her about the awful social media reaction from Bayley and her fans after Nikki “accidentally” interfered in Bliss’ match against Bayley on RAW. She tries to get Nikki fired up by telling her that she’s been scheduled to face Bayley tonight and to hold nothing back.
AWWWW SACRAMENTO!!! Don’t you dare be sour! Big E is back! Your boys, The New Day, are back in the ring and all together. A little meta-humor over Charlotte Flair’s booking and it’s time to get down to business. Kofi beat Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens and Dolph Ziggler and, at Stomping Grounds, it’ll be in a steel cage. Ziggler’s music hits. He comes out and accuses Kofi of betraying him, the fans, and himself, because, at Super Showdown, Xavier Woods hit Dolph with a kick to set up Trouble in Paradise. Dolph lets him know that, in the steel cage, he’ll prove that it should be him. Kofi argues that Dolph kicked X first. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn come out and Sami goes over the injustice of what happened. He says that the crowd doesn’t care about what’s right… only who they like and who they don’t like. (He’s not lying either, though.) They’re all hypocrites and the worst one wears the title. Kofi cribs the same Stomping Grounds line as Roman has to “kick ass and take names” line because “That’s such good @#$%, pal!” and vows to remain WWE champion.
Bayley walks to gorilla position when Kayla Braxton asks her about Alexa Bliss’ accusations and Nikki Cross’ involvements. She says that she has no problem with Nikki but, if she’s going to get caught up in Alexa’s games, she’s fair game.
Aleister Black calmly offers his platform as to why someone on the Smackdown roster should pick a fight with him and then rages at the fact that, thus far, nobody has offered to be his huckleberry.
Bayley vs Nikki Cross (w/ Alexa Bliss)
A match that delivered a lot of nostalgia as we see the Fit Finlay ring apron trap by Nikki Cross, Rob Van Dam’s Rolling Thunder by Bayley, and that top rope “Oh yeah!” elbow drop by the champion. Alexa’s interference was kept to coaching and getting up onto the apron and that may be why her girl lost.
Your winner by pinfall… Bayley!
Jinder Mahal finds a crowbar and a ref but the crates are all being loaded by forklift and Los Angeles-bound! Jinder says that he’s headed to LA and runs off before he can hear one of the crates cry out that this is no way to treat a “European Champion.”
It’s time for Firefly Fun House! Yay! Bray has to mediate the food chain between Mercy the Buzzard and Ramblin’ Rabbit. He threatens to get The Fiend so they’ll listen to reason. Once they do, he smashes Rabbit with a giant mallet and eats the pulverized insides. Yowie wowie!
Kayla Braxton interviews Apollo Crews about his non-match with Andrade the week before. Apollo says that Andrade was trying to send a message to Finn Balor that night but that he isn’t an afterthought. He plans to show Andrade what he can do at the next opportunity. Zelina Vega steps in and tells him that it would be a big mistake to do so. After she walks off, we see Chad Gable off to one side and taking notes that he doesn’t want Apollo looking at.
The New Day vs Dolph Ziggler, Kevin Owens, and Sami Zayn
It just so happens that the main event features six of the most multi-faceted talents in WWE. Even accounting for what transpired during commercial break, it’s a shame they didn’t have more time. Big E gets in his belly-to-belly triple play. Kevin Owens hits a senton on the outside and a moonsault from the second turnbuckle later in the match. The finish comes when Dolph superkicks Big E, Xavier Woods, and (uh-oh) Sami Zayn! Trouble in Paradise takes out Zig and legal man, Zayn.
Your winners by pinfall… The New Day!
Final thoughts:
Special shout out to the Yolo County tag champs as A.J. Kirsch was featured in Becky Lynch’s social media. Apparently, a disabled NorCal wrestling fan lost his memorabilia collection in a house fire and A.J. and other local indy talent spent the weekend helping him refill his shelves. Good on them.
As good as these evolving Aleister Black promos have been but I’m ready to see him back in the ring… and anxious to see who finally takes him up on his offer.
I can’t help but wonder if Ramblin’ Rabbit Bohemian Breakfast spread would go well on some of John Tenta’s Quake-burgers or if they’re Playboy Buddy Rose Blow Away Diet-approved.
I believe that I now owe Pop Break writer, Michael Vacchiano, $5 as it has been revealed that Chad Gable does not have indeed have a third eye or parasitic twin that was once concealed by that headband.
If they can keep Dolph/Kofi last until at least SummerSlam, it’ll go a long way towards improving my opinion of the booking committee.
I remember Jim Cornette talking about the last incarnation of The Freebirds and how having a middling-sized chicken@#$% heel like Jimmy “Jam” Garvin turn into a two-fisted plucky babyface wasn’t a great idea. It still isn’t but, here we are and so is Miz.
