Written by Matthew Widdis
A replay of The Undertaker’s surprise appearance on Monday Night RAW to save Roman Reigns from Drew McIntyre and Shane McMahon leads to the announcement that The Dead Man & The Big Dog team up against The Scottish Psychopath & Shane-O-Mac at Extreme Rules. Shane has a few comments on this and then we start the show properly… with Big E’s “Awww [name of town]!”
The New Day pancake it on down to the ring as Kofi Kingston’s successful title defense against Dolph Ziggler is recapped. The announce team lets us know that, because of a sneak attack on Monday Night RAW, Samoa Joe will challenge Kofi at Extreme Rules for the WWE Championship. This brings out Dolph Ziggler. The Show Stealer goes over Super Show Down and Stomping Grounds to illustrate why It Should Be Me (TM.) WWE management has told him that he’s right and, if he beats the WWE champ in a 2-out-of-3 Falls match tonight… he’ll be added to the match with Samoa Joe at Extreme Rules. Not… not winning the championship? After beating the champ in a Best-of-Three? They’ve got to be doing it on purpose now.
In the hallway outside of Shane McMahon’s dressing room, The Miz lets Elias know not to interrupt him with his guitar-playing and to relay the message to Shane that they have unfinished business before Undertaker gets him at Extreme Rules. Shane finds out and it looks like we’re getting another 2-out-of-3 Falls mat but it’s between Miz and Elias. If Miz wins, he can face Shane.
Xavier Woods & Big E vs Daniel Bryan & Rowan
Daniel and Xavier start it out but a blind tag to Rowan leads to X getting manhandled and cheap-shotted. D-Bry gets tagged back in to hit a guillotine knee drop onto Xavier draped over the top rope. Xavier tries to rally against Rowan but eats a running cross body block! Woods is tossed out of the ring and ground down by Rowan’s boot once he’s back in. Frequent tags, submission holds, and a few big slams (including a pump handle backbreaker) keep Xavier from tagging up. An enziguri gives him a chance to tag in Big E. He hits the belly-to-belly trifecta on Daniel Bryan and goes for the big splash but Daniel gets the knees up. He gets The Lebell Lock slapped on but Xavier breaks it up. Rowan tosses Woods outside the ring and starts coming around the corner to truck him over but X intercepts him with a dropkick that sends him into the barricade. In the ring, Daniel Bryan hits the “It” kicks that he stole from The Miz in the corner but gets planted with an uranage! Xavier tags in and New Day hits the Magic Hour!
Your winners by pinfall… and not the new champs because this is WWE… The New Day!
Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn rush the ring and blindside The New Day. Rowan gets in on the action and that brings out Heavy Machinery for the save. Tucker clotheslines KO out of his shorts and Otis is a brick wall when Sami Zayn runs into him. Rowan blasts Otis out to the floor but Tucker damn near blows a hamstring hitting a bicycle kick high enough to catch him in the face and Big E clotheslines the big redwood out of the ring.
Uh-oh. Looks like we got us an eight-man tag team match, playa!
The New Day & Heavy Machinery vs Daniel Bryan, Rowan, Kevin Owens, and Sami Zayn
Immediately, the heels take a page out of Mean Machine’s playbook, rushing past Tucker to knock his partners off the apron and then stomping him until backed off by the referee. Rowan manages a 600+ pound superplex on Tucker! New Day rushes the ring but Daniel Bryan drops Big E with the flying knee and Xavier Woods gets claw-slammed by Rowan. Rowan tags in Bryan and The Yes Man gets clotheslined upside down by Tucker. Both men tag out and Lil’ Brother Otis bulldozes Sami Zayn. Otis revs up the crowd for The Caterpillar, prompting Kevin Owens to walk off from ringside. Tucker is tagged in for The Compactor and that’s the end of it.
Your winners by pinfall… the team of Heavy Machinery & The New Day!
We get a recap of Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross’ match against Natalya & Naomi, along with them setting up tonight’s match: Nikki Cross vs Smackdown Women’s Champion, Bayley, with the stipulation that, if Nikki wins… (no, of course she doesn’t become the champ) Alexa Bliss gets a rematch against Bayley for the title at Extreme Rules.
Ali has a video package that sees him walking the city streets, witnessing and intervening in troubles. It kind of comes off like a 90s trailer for a superhero movie and sort of like an 80s commercial for The Church of Latter Day Saints.
The Miz vs Elias (w/ Shane McMahon)
Miz takes early control but interference from Shane lets Elias hit the leaping high knee and Drift Away for the first fall.
Elias maintains control for a while but Miz mounts a two-fisted comeback. “It” kicks. Running double knees. Ducks Elias’ knee attempt and goes for the Skull-Crushing Finale. Elias hip tosses out of it but Miz gets a DDT for two. Shane intervenes again but, this time, Miz beats him to the punch. Shane rushes the ring and hits some ground-and-pound on Miz until the referee calls for the DQ. Miz gets the second fall and Shane is shocked.
Shane and Elias beat on Miz for a few minutes, including a spear from Shane-O-Mac. Miz is easy pickings for a top rope elbow drop from Elias.
Your winner… Elias!
Elias and Shane set Miz up in the corner and Elias holds him down for the Coast-to-Coast from Shane. No Undertaker to make the save tonight and Shane nails Miz right in the bread basket.
Backstage, Kayla Braxton interviews Intercontinental Champion, Finn Balor, about his win against Andrade. Finn is happy to take on top competition. Kayla asks who is next on his horizons when Shinsuke Nakamura emerges from hibernation to “Too Sweet” the IC belt and we have our answer.
Nikki Cross vs Bayley
A little unorthodox offense from Nikki sees her break out from Bayley’s control and hit a cross body off the top turnbuckle. Bayley comes back to hand Nikki in the tree of woe and a hits a springboard elbow off the bottom rope onto her. Bayley batters Nikki, pinballing her off the ropes with back elbows and a sliding clothesline. Nikki manages a comeback, though, as Bayley misses on a suicide dive and Nikki hits a neckbreaker for two back in the ring. After a series of back-and-forth pin attempts, Nikki ends up stuffing a pin attempt and getting the 1-2-3 herself.
Your winner… (and totally not Smackdown Women’s Champion) Nikki Cross!
Backstage, Carmella runs into some static with Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville but they take off. She finds R-Truth but so does Drake Maverick. Drake tells Truth that he doesn’t have a referee. In fact, he has nothing: no 24/7 championship AND no loving wife beside him. Truth tells him to go get a ref for an honest shot at the title… psych! Truth ain’t giving up that title for nobody or nothing, Hornswoggle! Truth runs off as the 24/7 parade gives chases, knocking a dejected Drake Maverick to the ground in Dickensian misery.
Ember Moon vs Sonya Deville (w/ Sonya Deville)
Sonya gets right in Ember’s face. The War Goddess is having none of it and fires back with a rolling elbow. It doesn’t take long for Ember to get distracted by Mandy Rose (and who can blame her, Byron?) Sonya shoves her into the ring post. Ember gets stacked up for the pin.
Your winner by pinfall… Sonya Deville!
Aleister Black is agitated from the start this week. All he wants is an invitation. The WWE has to be the highest level of competition in the world yet no one will pick a fight with him. There’s a knock at the door and Aleister smiles.
Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston
Back-and-forth action sees Dolph roll up Kofi but the referee sees Dolph grab the rope for leverage. He calls for the break and Kofi gets the quick pin on a distracted Ziggler. Dolph is furious. He blindsides Kofi and hits the ZigZag on the outside of the ring. Dolph is giving Kofi the business right up until the bell rings for the next fall.
Ziggler goes for a leaping elbow in the corner but Kofi moves out of the way and he almost Cesaro’s himself. Kofi goes for the quick cover but Dolph kicks out and nails him with a superkick to get the next fall. All even at 1-1.
The third fall is on and both men are invigorated. Dolph can’t get the pin after whipping Kofi into the corner spine first and wraps him up in a crossface chicken wing. Kofi breaks out and whips Dolph into the corner this time. Zig recovers to drive Kofi into the second turnbuckle and follows up with a jumping elbow drop. Kofi comes back with double chops and avoids being slingshotted into the corner by hitting a double jump high cross body. Ziggler rolls him through but only gets two. Satellite DDT doesn’t go to full height but gets a two count. Flying chop from the champ sends Dolph to the mat but he sends Kofi to the outside. Ziggler reaches for Kofi but gets a pendulum kick instead. Springboard flying chop by Kofi gets a two-point-nine count. Kofi goes to drag Ziggler up by his waistband but is backed off with an elbow. Dolph stomps the calf and goes for a Fame-Asser but Kofi catches him and spins him right ‘round like a record player for a sit-out power bomb! Only gets two! Kofi readies the Trouble in Paradise but Dolph catches it. Kofi pulls him in for a pin attempt but he kicks out. Ziggler drives Kofi shoulder first into the ring post and catches him with the ZigZag off the rebound. Kick out at two! Both men try to kick each other’s heads off in an ending sequence that sees Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise for the third fall.
Your winner… Kofi Kingston!
Final thoughts:
I have the utmost sympathy for my fellow wrestling journalists, particularly the Pop Break RAW reviewers. When Smackdown runs like the fourth and fifth hour of RAW, I have visions of Bob Uecker in Major League slowly drinking himself into his boxer shorts.
I have to ask: Is Nikki Cross still crazy and Alexa evens her out somehow or does she think that the opponents and the crowd can’t see her act normal away from the ring? Or is she like Delirious or Festus (aka Luke Gallows) and only turns “on” when the match is under way?
So… why the hell did we have a best-2-out-of-3 with Miz vs Elias? Didn’t do anything for Miz. Didn’t do anything for Elias. Didn’t hype any existing feuds or a match that either of them are in for Extreme Rules. Why?
It’s a shame that it was place holder feud at a rough time because Dolph/Kofi should be another chapter in one of the best “career feuds” in WWE history. It may not be Savage/Hogan or Rock/Austin but one win by Dolph and another few weeks could have gotten it close to Cena/Orton.
If you beat the champ, then you become the champ. If you don’t, then what does the title even mean? Nothing? In that case, why do we care about the championships… or the champions?
