Alan’s Soap Box: Best & Worst of Soaps 2023 Part 2

2023 has been a rough year for soaps. A writer’s strike, shoddy writing both before and after the strike, and questionable decisions. Here’s the conclusion of my roundup of the Best and Worst of Soaps in 2023.

Worst Soap: Days of Our Lives

If you want to truly quantify which soap opera was the worst in a year, don’t think of the fuckups. That’s the wrong lane to go down. Think about the things you enjoyed in between the bad stories. Which stories were good or halfway decent? Are there any episodes or scenes you’d watch again? Which creative decisions added value to the show? If you struggle to answer those questions, you know it was the worst damn soap of the year.

It was nice to have Louise Sorel back for a bit. Aging up Holly and Tate was a good idea since Days needed a teen scene. Emily O’Brien as Theresa was a welcome change despite the show overdoing it with reusing actors. Every scene Nicole had with Abe was a nice treat. Those are really the most positive things I can say about Days in 2023. It is universally agreed upon that it was a bad year for the show. Even head writer Ron Carlivati publicly commented the show would be good again around May or June 2024, so even he knows 2023 was a shit show.

Best Soap: The Young and the Restless

Naming a best soap of 2023 is like trying to name the most likable serial killer. You can’t say with a straight face that any of them were great this year. All four soaps had notable flaws and irate fans pointing out those flaws at every turn across social media platforms. That said, Y&R did have the highest highs despite the shortcomings.

The retcon that Claire is Eve, Victoria and Cole’s daughter that died in 1998 has added value to the show. Y&R has been weighed down in boring business stories for the past few years. Now they have a character that is tied to the canvas and has potentially years worth of conflict with her family. She poisoned her mother, father, grandfather and uncle! She stuck a hypodermic needle in her grandmother! This is the stuff soap dreams are made of.

And you can’t forget Colleen Zenk as deliciously deranged Jordan. A woman who was so mad about her sister’s death that she stole a baby and raised her as a weapon against her own family. Shades of Mrs. Havisham in Great Expectations there. It is so fun to watch Colleen go full camp as Jordan struts around in a Nikki Newman wig and taunts Nikki through mean girl ways. Jordan miming the glug-glug motion to Nikki through the window was better than 90% of the stuff the other three soaps did this year and that’s why they got the top spot.

Unsexiest Moment: Finn Sucking Liz’s Finger, GH

To the scab that came up with this: I hope the next time you are at a restaurant the server gets your order wrong, but you don’t say anything because you don’t want to look like a Karen in front of your date. And top of that, they don’t have Coke so you just have to silently seethe as you sip Pepsi that has too much ice and eat the meal you didn’t want. That’s what you deserve for putting GH viewers through the sight of Finn sucking maple syrup off Elizabeth’s finger.

Sexiest Moment: Trina and Spencer Finally Bang, GH

Earlier this year in my GH couple column, I declared that Trina should sit on Spencer’s face already. It finally happened! It took two years and scabs writing it, but Trina did sit on Spencer’s face. Of course, it is just presumed she sat on his face along with Spencer wheelbarrowing her all over that hotel room. The actual content of the love scene was everything Sprina fans have been dreaming about for two years. They really emphasized that height difference in a sexy way which was smart because female fans of romance go feral for a height difference. And on the emotional romantic front, they had Trina telling Spencer she loved him at the dinner beforehand so they delivered on that front as well. The scabs really said they were going to give the fans everything they wanted.

Best Couple: Thomas and Hope, B&B

If you had told me four years ago that Brad Bell would finally pull the trigger on Thomas and Hope after writing him like he was a villain in The Perils of Pauline, I wouldn’t have believed it. That writing was designed to bury the chance of Thomas and Hope ever becoming a couple. Yet every so often Brad would tease putting them together, get scared and then back out. I talked about this last year in the B&B column where I said Brad needed to shit or get off the pot. Well, Brad decided to shit since Thomas and Hope are a couple, and Hope even loves him.

A lot of credit for this pairing being able to work goes to Annika Noelle and Matthew Atkinson. They’d have chemistry ever since Matthew assumed the role of Thomas. Much more chemistry than Annika had with Scott Clifton. Annika’s Hope only has chemistry with Liam when she’s reading him for filth. It isn’t romantic chemistry at all. She has that in the spades with the Thope pairing.

What a character arc Hope has been through. From a fashion campaign that was about hymens to fighting over Liam to being his long suffering wife to now fucking Thomas in every square inch of Forrester Creations. Hope is finally done caring what people think about her. An insecurity born from her scandalous conception when Brooke fucked her son-in-law. That has colored every moment of Hope’s life. Now Hope is done being the doormat of Los Angeles and it is beautiful.

Worst Couple: Deacon and Sheila, B&B

I thought long and hard about which soap couple deserved the dishonor of being named Worst Couple. Finn and Elizabeth on GH were real contenders. Cleaning a toilet is more enjoyable than watching GH desperately try to make them happen. Yet it has to be Deacon and Sheila for the sheer fact that she called him daddy and I’m never going to forget that. Haven’t we suffered enough?

Best Recast: Kate Mansi as Kristina, GH

Did Lexi Ainsworth need to be replaced? No. She was great as Kristina. Yet sometimes executive producers just don’t see it for an actor and they decide to recast them. It is what it is. That said, Kate Mansi has been a great recast. She clearly watched some of Lexi’s scenes considering she came in still feeling like Kristina. She has chemistry with her cast members. She was good even in scenes with the revolving door of Molly recasts. I’ve totally accepted Kate as Kristina.

Worst Recast: Brooke Anne Smith as Molly, GH

This poor woman has been through enough with this casting debacle so I’m going to keep this short. This is a lesson in age ranges in casting. Someone can be too old to play a part. Just because a 30 year old can play someone in high school does not mean they’ll accept someone who is almost 40 years old playing 25 years old. Audiences are accustomed to teen characters being played by older actors. They are used to 25 year old characters being played by actors within the spitting difference of that age. Not someone who is old enough to have seen the original The Little Mermaid in theaters.

Best Climax: Sharon Ends Cameron, Y&R

What a treat it was for Sharon to get her own story and not serve coffee to losers who treat her like a free therapist. It was so satisfying to see Sharon stab Cameron to death in a sewer while Faith was strapped to a bomb. I wish the show had delved into Faith’s trauma after that instead of just sending her back to college. That could have built up Faith as a character and given Sharon a very personal story. Instead we have Sharon in a triangle with Chance and her ex-husband’s affair baby Summer. I guess one month of a good story is better than nothing.

Worst Climax: Bo’s Return, Days

When people talk about Days sucking in 2023, this was one of the big reasons. The only positive thing about this fuckery was the acting. Everything else was shit. They hyped up Bo’s return only for him to be brainwashed for most of it and get shot by son Shawn with a green screen background that looked like it belonged on a 90’s show. We know per breakdown writer Jamey Giddens that this wasn’t Ron Carlivati’s original pitch, so this abomination wasn’t Ron’s fault. Someone thought fans would be happy with Bo ending up in a coma and not just sailing away with Hope. Well, we weren’t. I have been watching soaps since Bill Clinton was denying getting a blowie and this is one of the most botched soap stories of all time.

Best Actress In A Shitty Story: Arianne Zucker in Lazy Baby Switch, Days

Arianne Zucker has had a lot of practice crying over babies so it isn’t surprising she’d knock this out of the park. It is a little surprising she’d be doing some of the best work of her career in the laziest baby switch in soap history. There is nothing new or creative about this story. It is just a basic baby switch that has the same setup as the last baby switch with a car accident. There have been twists on baby switches before. All My Children and One Life to Live did the first crossover soap baby switch in 2003. General Hospital had Nelle giving her baby to Brad to punish Michael and his family. This insipid baby switch did not have much thought put into it. At least Arianne is likely getting nominated for Outstanding Lead Actress at the Daytime Emmys for this paint by numbers story.

MVPs of Days: The Whole Cast & Crew

It is no secret Days had a difficult year with the Albert Alarr situation. It must have been hell going into work every day in a toxic work environment. Yet they spoke up and now that man is gone. It should have happened a lot sooner and it is shameful Ken Corday didn’t do the right thing until the national media was reporting on it. At least now the cast and crew can work and have the normal stress of making a soap opera and not the added stress of an alleged HR nightmare.

MVP of GH: Finola Hughes

When I think about who has been doing consistently good on GH, I think of Finola Hughes. The show has visible problems, but they write for Anna and Finola delivers. She did incredible work in the scenes after Anna shot Charlotte. I don’t think Chris Van Etten and Dan O’Connor would have been bold enough to write Anna shooting a child so kudos to the scabs for those dramatics. They gave Finola material that will land her another Daytime Emmy nomination.

MVP of Y&R: Melody Thomas Scott

Speaking of Daytime Emmy nomination material, Josh Griffith finally decided to get off his ass and give Melody Thomas Scott something she can sink her teeth into. Those scenes with Nikki being forcibly pushed off the wagon by Jordan and Claire were mesmerizing. Melody didn’t even have a stitch of makeup! Not a lot of actresses in her age group would be willing to do that. Susan Lucci certainly wouldn’t have done that. Yet Melody went there and she’s likely to get her second Daytime Emmy nomination in her over 40 years on Y&R. I’m so happy Melody got a story where she got to be the lead and wasn’t just a glorified dayplayer.

Most Annoying Child: Violet, GH

Soap kids are meant to be trotted out, be cute and then be shoved to the offscreen babysitter. They aren’t meant to be seen as much as Violet. I don’t want to hear her sing. I don’t want her to try to get adults to be a couple. I don’t want to see her at all. She can go to a boarding school or die from polio. Either one is fine with me!

Most Pointless Story: Phyllis’s Fake Death, Y&R

What was the point of Phyllis faking her death? Was it just so we could see Phyllis in a bad wig? She just ended up getting a slap on the wrist for it. The only person who really paid was Summer whose marriage ended because of her mother’s crimes. I guess I should just be happy Phyllis has stopped screeching about Diane every other day.

Most Honest Actor: Scott Clifton, B&B

Scott Clifton knows Liam is a piece of shit. He’ll go on The Talk and casually mention Liam being a villain. I really appreciate that Scott knows who he’s playing. A lot of actors can be delusional about who they are playing. “Oh, my character is a good person. They are misunderstood! They didn’t get a stuffed animal from a claw game and it has tormented them ever since!” Scott knows Liam isn’t fit to raise a Tamagotchi!

Worst Trend: Fake Out Deaths For Elderly Characters

Days literally had five fake out deaths for old characters this year. B&B is currently telling a story where Eric is “dying” that will clearly end with him living. Soaps need to stop this shit. This only lessens the impact when the performers die in real life and then they have to kill the character. If John McCook keels over tomorrow, the Forrester family is going to be crying and wailing again come spring. It wouldn’t have the same effect after months of fretting over his health and then a miracle cure. Soap writers really need to be more mindful of this.

Best Trend: Soaps Realizing They Fucked Up

Soaps can be stubborn, so I appreciate this trend of fixing fuckups. GH ended the Molly recast debacle with an age appropriate recast and now Esme is getting her memories back so the year long story of her having amnesia is ending. They also killed Austin off. B&B seems to be ending the idea that Liam is a romantic hero and treating like the creep he is. Y&R got Nikki out of the tedium of business stories and now she’s drunk just how we like her. Even Days seems to be realizing Chad and Stephanie are a wet fart of a couple.

I hope this trend continues into 2024. There’s so much each soap can do to be better. I want all four soaps to thrive and for that to happen people in charge have to be able to recognize when a story or character is bad and fix it or end it. I want to be able to say that a soap was good for most of the year. Not just “Oh, watch this one week in July. It was good. Don’t watch the week after that. It was trash!”

Dispatches From Soap Land

*I hope once Claire is out of the hospital she doesn’t immediately start working at Newman Enterprises again. She just poisoned half her family after meeting them for the first time. They shouldn’t trust her to even deliver coffee anytime soon. Besides, Y&R has an overload of characters in the corporate world. It is fine if Claire spends six months to a year living on Victoria’s dime.

*Do the people blaming Katherine Kelly Lang for Krista Allen’s firing not know what show they are watching? Brad Bell has had decades of history of firing talented actors on a whim. No new hire on B&B should get too comfortable.

*AnnaLynne McCord had better be playing an important character on Days. I don’t want this to be like when they hired the big-dicked guy from Sex and the City: The Movie for a nothing role. If you are going to spend money on a name actor, it had better be worth it. The show is not in good enough shape to be frivolous with money. If she isn’t a stealth Abigail recast, she had better be noteworthy in some other way and not Sloan’s sister.