It is that time again. The year is half over so it is time for me to grade each soap opera on what has aired in the past six months. Which soaps will get a good grade? Will a soap opera besides Y&R get a big fat F? You’ll find out.
Beyond the Gates
They Have Money And Talent
No other soap opera has the money to do two big events within weeks of each other and have one of them be a disaster story with six actors from another soap. The cotillion was so fun and also had dramatic stakes with Derek’s death happening at the same time. To follow that up with a tornado disaster was soap heaven. I am so impressed with the team at Beyond The Gates for pulling this off. This is a new soap so it really speaks to the level of talent and professionalism there that they can do this.
I do think this was a reset for the show. The first months of season two were a bit ho hum with Anita’s cancer being the bright spot. This was the injection of energy the show needed and it was so smart to do while they had Y&R characters there. The target demo of BTG knows who Victor Newman, Jack Abbott and Devon Winters are so they would be more likely to tune in to see them and it paid off. They got a ratings boost and it was well-deserved.
Are You Fucking Kidding Me?
Eva has never been a pariah on this show. Michele Val Jean decided to go against the norms of this archetype and have her be instantly accepted by almost everyone. Regardless of how you feel about it, it was the choice that was made. That’s why it was so baffling to see an episode where Kat dreamed that Eva was raised in Fairmont Crest and got to have everything Kat had while Dream Kat was a pariah. All of this was so Kat could have empathy for Eva.
This episode could have worked if Eva had been a pariah or had a really hard life, but that wasn’t what was written! It just came across as poorly thought out propaganda. Kat had just been berated by multiple family members to give part of her liver to the half-sister she has no reason to like and then you make her have a dream about Eva’s feelings?! Were they trying to ragebait fans? If so, mission accomplished.
I am glad that Eva acknowledged to Kat that she would play the victim to make Kat look bad. I wish other characters could have heard that, but I’ll take what I can get. And I’m happy that Kat still doesn’t like Eva. After that dream episode, I was worried Kat was going to start singing “You Raise Me Up” by Josh Groban to her with a gospel choir. Thank God they knew the most they could do right now between the two of them is civility.
Mommy Loves You Now
I am happy Michele Val Jean and the writing team saw the comments about how Nicole treats Kat and shifted the writing. Nicole actually giving a fuck about Kat is nice to see. I loved that Nicole stuck up for Kat as big booty Martin and others were acting like they were going to reach into Kat’s body and take that liver out themselves. If they had Nicole acting like she did last year, the reception to this story would have been worse.
Final Grade: B+
The cotillion, the tornado and the strength of Colby Nixon’s recent performance raised the grade. Before the cotillion, I was thinking C-, but they put in the work and got a better grade.
The Bold and the Beautiful
Heather Motherfucking Tom
I spent a few years wishing B&B would just kill Katie off. They weren’t using her and it seemed like Heather Tom was more interested in directing. This year, they realized they were wasting the best actress on the show and have given her actual material to play. Katie starting her own fashion line and feuding with her horrible sister Brooke has given the show a new energy.
Heather Tom got her Daytime Emmy reel in the episode where Brooke slapped Katie after Katie dragged her for a terrible mother to Hope. Katie looked like she wanted to destroy Brooke at a molecular level. I think Outstanding Lead Actress next year is going to be between her, Tamara Tunie and Susan Walters. And I wouldn’t be upset one bit if Heather won it even though I’m rooting for Tamara.
Is The Head of H.R. A Mop With a Wig On It?
I love that Forrester Creations being a hostile work environment is what has driven the drama this year. They are arrogant assholes. They outsourced Katie’s job. Ridge threw Eric a surprise retirement party that was basically “Here’s some cake, you old bitch. Now go somewhere because we don’t need you!” R.J. was acting like the rich guy in an 80’s teen film to Will. Steffy yanked Hope For The Future yet again so they could placate Eric which screwed over Hope and Zende. If the Head of Human Resources isn’t a mop with a wig on it, that person must have an anxiety disorder at this point.
Structuring it like this makes fans root for Logan to succeed as a fashion house and humble the Forresters. That is not how B&B usually plays out a rival fashion house story. The norm is the rival fashion house steals designs from Forrester Creations and they lose and the Forresters are triumphant. That is so played out. I’m glad it is looking like Forrester Creations is going to be humbled.
Hope For The Future Where Hope Has a Spine
I’ve never liked Hope For The Future. Having a fashion line that started as a way to encourage women to not have sex until marriage was just a big ick for me. That said, Hope has not been respected at Forrester Creations. They shut it down constantly. If it was such a flop, they should have just shut it down permanently and put Hope out of her misery. I think Steffy liked having that power over Hope and the line. I can’t really blame Steffy given how the fashion line was started to slut shame her, but still pretty unprofessional.
Hope going to Logan is going to cause so much drama. I loved the face cracks of Brooke and everyone else as they watched Hope walk the runway for her new fashion line. Now she just needs to stick with it. No more hand wringing. No backtracking just because her mommy is mad at her. She needs to continue choosing herself.
I have wondered about the legalities concerning Hope was on a leave of absence and she did work with another company while contracted to Forrester Creations. I don’t think the show will do anything with that. Carter can’t file paperwork correctly. He lets trademarks lapse. Even if they sued Hope, he’d fuck it up.
Final Grade: B-
Watchable and not an embarrassment to the genre.
Days of Our Lives
Too Much DiMeras
A little bit of red pepper flakes on a slice of pizza is just delicious. If you poured an entire bottle of red pepper flakes on that pizza, it would be inedible. That’s how I feel about the DiMeras being the main family on Days. They weren’t designed to be the whole show. They are supposed to be the spice. The Hortons or the Bradys as the main family would make more sense for the show.
That said, I do have positive things to say about the DiMera family right now. Conner Floyd has slid into the role of Chad very smoothly and I think his resemblance to Billy Flynn helped. He has a nice chemistry with Martha Madison. I also like that Gabi has been in the mix with the family.
I don’t like that Kristen has been written into a corner again. We know Stacy Haiduk hasn’t filmed in months so Kristen is probably going to be in prison or on the run in 2027. I just wish they would be able to find a middle ground with Kristen like other soaps have with characters in the same wheelhouse like Ava Jerome.
The biggest disappointment DiMera wise has been the Lexie story. I was excited for this story, but now I just wish Lexie had stayed dead. She doesn’t feel like Lexie and the whole story has been dumb. If this ends with Lexie being dead again, I won’t be upset.
Low Energy
The show has been sleepy since Paula Cwikly and Jeanne Marie Ford started. Stephanie having a stalker should have been exciting and a big moment for her. It was a snooze. Hopefully Ryan Quan replacing Paula will help the show, but we probably won’t see his material until fall 2027 assuming that July and August 2027 have already been written.
Final Grade: D
When I saw Leo dressed as white Madea, I knew D was the appropriate grade.
General Hospital
Confused Narrative
If Elizabeth Korte and Chris Van Etten wanted the story to be that Portia cheated on Curtis with Isaiah, they shouldn’t have written them breaking up before she hit the sheets with Isaiah. If they wanted the story to be about another driver causing Jordan’s car accident, they shouldn’t have written that it was Jordan’s fault. Those two are in charge of the narrative with input from Frank and ABC, of course. Doing this makes the show seem silly. What was the pitch for this? “Jordan hurts herself because she’s a dumbass driver, but the story will really be about finding the other driver who didn’t cause the accident and didn’t commit a crime!” What the fuck?
Carly Is Likeable?
I have hated Carly since I was in high school. I was listening to Evanescence and wanting someone to slap Carly. Carly is always more tolerable out of the Sonny and Jason sphere, but now I actually like her. Laura Wright has great chemistry with James Patrick Stuart. She also has great sibling chemistry with Van Hansis to the point that I look forward to their scenes. Who knew Josslyn becoming a spy would be the best thing that ever happened to Carly?
Step Away From The Teenager, Ma’am
I was so creeped out watching Rocco acting like he was in a cult and Britt was his dear leader. I know the show’s intention was for it to be sweet, but a lot of fans saw a crazed teenager who thinks a woman who has kidnapped him twice is his god. Finn Carr is such a good actor, but writing Rocco like he’s about to burst out singing “Unworthy of Your Love” from the musical Assassins isn’t doing him any favors. Those scenes played out like Rocco would strap a bomb to himself to get Britt out of trouble and that was disturbing.
Final Grade: B+
GH is the most consistently good soap, but with the nonsensical narrative in a few areas and the Britt story, I’m not willing to go higher than B+. I would like to thank them for killing the kissing cousins story. Not great that they did it in the first place, but I’m grateful they didn’t choose stubbornness this time.
The Young and the Restless
Happy Days Are Here Again
Josh Griffith has stepped down as head writer of Y&R. Since it isn’t immediate and we don’t know his successor yet, we probably won’t see the writing transition until October. Fans have begged for change for years and it is finally happening. I wish it could have happened before Josh tried redeeming a serial rapist, but I guess we can’t have everything.
Speaking of Matt Clark, I really hope the new head writer isn’t going to try to keep him. Why would you waste your time trying to keep a fifty something year old serial rapist? I know there are fans who are like “Alan, the cast loves Roger Howarth!” I don’t give a fuck about that. If they like him so much, they can go have potato sack races with him in the park. Why should fans be subjected to a disgusting character because Michelle Stafford wants to giggle with her buddy? Joshua Morrow hung out with Rory Gibson after Rory got fired so there’s no excuse to keep Roger.
On the kidnapping front, we’ve complained about the absurd amount of kidnappings, but Diane being kidnapped and in therapy is a new low. I’m sure Susan Walters enjoyed working with Jere Burns who she worked with decades ago on Dear John, but she has to know this story isn’t good. I hope the new head writer has a mandate to not do kidnappings for a full year. Fans are beyond tired of it.
Final Grade: Big fat F
The show is terrible, but a new day is going to come. Hopefully next year the lowest grade Y&R will get is C+. A+ might be too much to hope for a rebuilding year, but I’m going to hold out hope for a B+. Shit, having new things to complain about will be a delightful experience for me.
Dispatches From Soap Land
*I hope GH has an actual plan for Serena Baldwin because fans have been begging for her for years.
*BTG needs to get Angela Fairley and Alex Cheeks on contract. They are great and they are the moment.
*I don’t envy the new head writer of Y&R because a lot of the obvious things you could do to boost ratings have already been run through by Josh Griffith in his attempts to keep his job.
