When Was The Last Time An Opening Promo Wasn’t Interrupted: Seriously, you can almost telegraph to the moment when someone else’s music is going to hit. It’s just a little too obvious, and definitely needs to be freshened up.
Did Randy Orton Just Out Promo Someone?: Yes, Randy Orton has often been the equivalent of human valium, but tonight he just outclassed Roman Reigns by literally just existing. Roman Reigns is just awful. Seriously, awful.
Did I Just Get Stoked For New Day? Wow, New Day just went from the stupidest gimmick in the history of the world, to some of the best heels in the WWE. Seriously, Xavier Woods and Big E. can talk the talk (Kofi sadly still can’t) and we already know what they can do in the ring. This whole “super positive” heel act is so awesome, and I’m glad the WWE finally pulled the trigger on them. These guys are so obnoxious in their positivity that you can’t help but hate them…and in many ways love them at the same time. Face pops for New Day coming soon…look at what happened with Kidd and Cesaro.
Randy Orton & Roman Reigns vs. New Day in a The Champs Gonna Lose Match: So happy that Xavier Woods finally has something to do. He’s a fantastic talent in the ring, and he did a great job playing the rag doll to Roman and Randy. It’s obvious that they’re pushing these guys as the new Freeboards, as Booker T constantly references them. Also, I enjoy the fact that Booker T supports New Day, but never goes full heel with it. Also, how over is Randy Orton? That’s what the Internet does for you. To my surprise (but I shouldn’t be), the New Day wins when Reigns accidentally spears Orton when Kofi moves out of the way. Yup, the classic “heat between the good guys” move. Winner: New Day…let’s hear for it The Day.
And of course, we get Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns in the main event tonight.
Kane & Seth Promo: Kane finally showed a little charisma tonight, which is always a good thing. I like it when the Big Red Machine gets sassy. Also, any time Dean Ambrose is in the main event, it’s a good thing.
Feed Him Mic Time: Ryback comes out to cut a promo, and the only thing I can be thankful for is the fact that the resplendently gorgeous Renee Young is in the ring. Seriously, Renee’s the best. Ryback can’t cut a promo to save his life, which is sad because the heart of this promo was really good. His delivery just sucks…maybe it’s because the “smart” Montreal crowd chanted Goldberg at him incessantly and it threw him off.
Tyson Kidd & Cesaro (w/Natalya in Full Road Warrior Gear) vs. The Ascension in a ‘Holy Crap The Ascension is Still Employed Match’: The Ascension always end up in the Scotty Goldman promo box before matches…maybe because their live promos blow. Sadly, these guys have been done since their first match. I thought for a second Kidd & Cesaro would lose, because you know how the WWE hates Internet darlings. But, one thing I forgot, the WWE really hates The Ascension. The sequence with Cesaro doing the consecutive European uppercuts in the corner was awesome and it was great to see the Montreal crowd come unglued. The Big Swing/Dropkick finisher is fantastic and it was great to see a talented as all hell tag team take the W here. Winner: Brass Ring Club (Kidd/Cesaro).
Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins in a That Was the Best Match on RAW in like Forever Match: Great. Just great. These two have such great in-ring chemistry together. I love Ambrose’s unorthodox move set – the Nigel clothesline, the flying elbow clothesline, etc. Rollins is just a ring general, he gives as good as he gets and his moves never seem to get old. For a cowardly heel, he really goes all out in the ring, which I enjoy. The running ‘guardrail bomb’ on Ambrose was sick. I love the fact they added Ambrose to the main event at Payback. The cynic in me feels Dean takes the pinball in that match, but damn it, it’s cool to see Dean in the title picture again.
Lana’s Face Turn Is in Full Effect: It’s going to happen, but honestly unless she becomes a wrestler (which is doubtful since she’s a legit actress), what does a babyface Lana add to the program? Who would she manage? What would she do? She’d end up in a sea of who gives a crap. It’s going to be an odd turn if it happens, unless this is all a rouse.
Fandango vs. Rusev in a We’re a Few Years Too Late on the Fandango Craze Match: Seriously, he should’ve been a face immediately. Instead, Fandango is just kinda there. Although, gotta admit Lana looked super hot doing the Fandango dance. Surprisingly Fandango got in some offense before Rusev did his jump kick/stomp/Accolade combo. Winner: Rusev
Stardust vs. R-Truth in a What’s in the Bag Match: Not sure why R-Truth is still a thing. He’s not bad, but he has this weird push that stops and starts constantly. I love Stardust, but even this character isn’t getting young Cody Rhodes to the next level. Cody wins after R-Truth pulls (fake) spiders, which he’s deathly afraid of, out of the bag Stardust brought to the ring. He freaks, Stardust rolls him up. Winner: Stardust via pure embarrassment.
John Cena Cuts a Promo: Give him credit, the man knows how to work a crowd, even when they’re being douches. Bonus points for a Nordiques reference.
HOLY SHIT BRET HART SHOWED UP: Bret Hart shows up to introduce someone and…
HEATH SLATER Shows Up: Damn it, I love me some Slater. He always loses, but he’s entertaining as hell. And it makes perfect sense for Bret Hart to KO him.
Bret Hart Introduces: SAMI ZAYN.
John Cena vs. Sami Zayn in a I Just Died and Went to Heaven Match: I got chills. Chills, people!! I have been a massive Sami fan for years, ever since I saw him wrestle in Rahway, NJ in a rec center in 2005. Ladies and gentlemen, this was the closest thing to John Cena being a heel as we’ll ever see. This was totally analogous to Cena’s first WWE match against Kurt Angle, and Cena worked this match perfectly. He was just heel enough to make the crowd hate him, but he kept it together so he wouldn’t turn off his fans. He also sold Sami’s moves like a million bucks, particularly Sami’s amazing dive through the ropes tornado DDT. Cena wins here with a third AA attempt after his springboard stunner, which is still impressive. Cena then does the classy thing and he leaves the ring and allows Sami to get his much-needed moment in the ring. Winner: John Cena
Nikki Bella w/(her former sworn enemy – why did this angle get dropped?) get jumped by Naomi and Diesel…err I mean Tamina Snuka: I dig it. Naomi is a pretty damn good wrestler, Tamina’s a beast and the Bellas are competent – so this can be a decent feud. The pairing makes perfect sense since Tamina is the cousin of The Usos, whom Naomi is married to one of. Don’t ask me which one.
King Barrett Has Something to Say: I was hoping he was wishing RAW columnist and Barrett fanatic Michael Dworkis a speedy recovery, but alas he did not. I love Barrett’s persona and I’m glad he’s gotten some of his heat back from last year before Jack Swagger derailed him.
Dolph Ziggler & (Adrian) Neville vs. Sheamus & King Barrett in a Let’s Hope This Match Runs Long So We Don’t Get A Main Event Match: These four guys are dynamite in the ring. Dolph played the perfect Ricky Morton here. Seamus and Barrett would actually make a great, full-time tag team and I think with the way the division is starting to shape up, this might be a great move. Neville is a fantastic talent, I hope he doesn’t end up in the latter year Rey Mystery/Kofi Kingston/Shelton Benjamin territory where becomes a punching bag for everyone. The finish, which saw Barrett kill Neville with a Bull Hammer while Neville was in mid-air was a logical, non-burying finish. It’s a devastating finisher, Neville’s a high flyer, it makes sense and Neville didn’t look like an idiot eating it. Winner: King Barrett & Sheamus
Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton in a This Is Gonna Be An Angle More Than a Match: First, we get Jamie Noble cutting a promo. Uh, is this the best RAW ever? The Authority becomes the special guest everything for the match. Roman tries to get Orton to go after Seth, but Randall goes for the RKO. Smart. Logical. This match is a bit plodding and is really more about Seth Rollins vs. Michael Cole on commentary. The Authority gets involved, beats down Orton, then Reigns (who executed a great tope). Dean Ambrose comes out to a huge pop (as expected) and cleans house. Roman spears Rollins (he’s gotta look strong!), Orton RKO’s Roman, and then Ambrose gives Orton Dirty Deeds and ends the night standing tall. Wouldn’t it be something if he won the title at Payback?
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Bill Bodkin is the Owner, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder of Pop-Break. Most importantly, however, he is the proud father of a beautiful daughter, Sophie. He is beyond excited that Pop-Break will be six years old in 2015 as this site has come a long, long way from the day he launched in it in his bachelor pad at the Jersey Shore. He can be read every Monday for the Happy Mondays Interview Series as well as his weekly reviews on Law & Order: SVU, Mad Men and Hannibal. His goal, once again, is to write 500 stories this year (a goal he accomplished in 2014). He is a graduate of Rutgers University with a degree in Journalism & English. Follow him on Twitter: @PopBreakDotCom
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