Daniel Cohen’s Movie Menu Breaks Down the Big News in the world of film, and ranks them in order of important.
Indiana Jones 5 Pushed Back, Officially gets July 10, 2020 Release Date
Disney announced a slew of release dates this past week, but the only one worth talking about is Indiana Jones 5.
HOLY S**T! THERE’S GOING TO BE A STAR WARS: EPISODE IX!!! HOLY CORN FLAKES!!!!!!!!!
Exactly. What else do we need to say about Star Wars: Episode IX. It got a release date. In the words of Anakin Skywalker…
Back to Indy. To be honest, I didn’t even know this fifth “Mr. Jones” movie already had a release date (originally July 2019). Now it’s been pushed a year (2020). Unlike Avatar 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, I do believe this movie will actually happen. Sadly, I care just as much about Indiana Jones 5 as I do for those Avatar movies – not at all.
First of all, when this movie comes out, Harrison Ford will be 77 years old. 77. I just…I mean…come on! How am I supposed to react to that? I can’t buy him as that character anymore.
Not only that, but the fourth movie is so horrendous bottom of the barrel garbage, I never want to see Indiana Jones again. With the Star Wars prequels, there were positives. There isn’t one element to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull I enjoyed. It’s a reprehensible film to the point where even if this fifth one was incredible, it still wouldn’t heal the scars.
This movie fills me with a lot of anxiety. I really, really, really don’t want it to happen.
Jeff Goldblum to Return for Jurassic World 2
Sure. Why not? This was a smart move. You needed to prove Jurassic Park could work again without the old staples (well, it still had dinosaurs). In terms of box office, that clearly happened. Now that the franchise has been re-established, bringing back the older players doesn’t feel as cheap. I’m sure Dr. Grant isn’t too far behind.
When I walked into Jurassic World, I had “Worst Movie Ever Made” expectations. Maybe I liked Jurassic World more than I should have because my expectations were so low. It really isn’t very good, but Colin Trevorrow deserves a lot of credit for taking a poop smeared script and making it pretty darn entertaining. That’s probably why he got the Star Wars job.
David Fincher Likely to Direct World War Z Sequel (Via Variety)
This stinks.
I don’t care how talented a director you are – this will never work. I’m always irritated at how much of a free pass the Fast & Furious movies gets. That pales in comparison to how forgiving everyone was on World War Z. That movie blows. The end. It’s TERRIBLE. The only reason people came out of it saying, “You know, that really wasn’t that bad” is because this movie truly did have “Worst Movie Ever Made” expectations.
I’m sure Fincher will make a perfectly capable film, but what a waste of the man’s talents. This is like getting Christopher Nolan to direct an episode of 2 Broke Girls. Who cares?
Boy, would I love to see how many zeroes are on that check for Mr. Fincher. He may be getting paid in islands.
The Kingsman: The Golden Circle Trailer Debuts
Here’s where I get to be Mr. Unpopular.
I like the first Kingsman. It’s fun. But it’s nothing I need to revisit, and a movie I certainly don’t feel needs a sequel. While the first movie was enjoyable, it teetered right on the edge of being annoying. This sequel will be annoying.
I’m a Matthew Vaughn fan, don’t get me wrong. His X-Men movie (First Class) was incredible. Having said that, I think Vaughn was reeled in when he made that. The studio wisely didn’t let him go full Vaughn. Kingsman is full Vaughn.
At the end of the day, this style of filmmaking just isn’t my cup of tea. The hyperactive, over-stylized fun is irritating. The last thirty minutes of Kingsman was too much. This entire movie looks like the last thirty minutes of Kingsman.
Everything about this trailer is so perfectly cut and edited. Everything. Even the way Mark Strong stands has a stylized vibe to it. This movie is the equivalent of eating an entire bag of Halloween candy in one night. I’m going to be sick.
The additions of Jeff Bridges and Channing Tatum intrigue, but it’s not enough to save the over indulgence that Vaughn is sure to deliver. And as a side note, bringing Colin Firth back really pisses me off. He was great, but this almost defeats the purpose of the first movie. Phil Coulson anyone?
Everyone has already decided they love this movie. That’s fine. Just leave me alone on this one. Please.
GLASS ANNOUNCED FOR 2019
**Spoilers for Unbreakable and Split**
Remember laughing when M. Night Shyamalan’s name popped up in a trailer? That feels like twenty years ago. What a resurgence for the Shyamalan.
Split was a damn good movie on its own, thanks mostly to an incredible performance from James McAvoy. The M. Night cherry on top though was the twist to end all twists – we were watching an Unbreakable sequel all along. Now that’s how you do a shared universe!
Unbreakable is considered by many to be Shyamalan’s best film behind The Sixth Sense, and some even consider it to be his very best. I may be one of them. An Unbreakable sequel has been rumored for AGES. After seeing Split, this movie was inevitable. Now it’s official.
Confirmed are all the major players from both films, including: Bruce Willis, James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy, and yes, Samuel L. Jackson is back as Elijah Price, AKA Mr. Glass.
Look, this movie could definitely fall flat on its face. Who knows? All I know is the idea of all these characters coming together is intriguing as hell. It could be the greatest M. Night twist of them all.
I’m salivating for this film.
