Written by Matthew Widdis
There’s a colorful explosion of celebration in the ring as your boys… including the new WWE World Champion… The New Day open our show. Big E declares Kofi Kingston an A+ player (with extra credit after “breaking his foot off between the vegan cheeks of Daniel Bryan.” Big E gives us the split. Xavier Woods shares memories of watching Kofi debut. Kofi himself takes time to thank his friends, his fans, and his loving family before pointing out that this was not in the cards but he took the ball and ran all the way with it.
And then The Bar’s music hits. Sheamus disregards the Brooklyn crowd’s instructions to “shut the @#$% up” and tells Kofi that he owes them for interrupting the title vs title match with Seth Rollins last night on RAW. They say that he was sure to lose because he (1) is a B+ player and (2) didn’t have his New Day teammates with him. So they suggest a six-man tag match but Big E suggests that their math is off: three of The New Day but only two of The Bar. They tell the champ and company that they made a new friend while at RAW. The bagpipes hit and out comes Drew McIntyre!
Aleister Black, Ricochet, and Ali vs Rusev (w/ Lana,) Andrade (w/ Zelina Vega,) & Shinsuke Nakamura
The heels isolate Ricochet early on, wearing him down with stomps, suplexes, and headlocks until he hits a neck breaker on Rusev to tag in Ali who hits a quick dropkick and tags up to Black. Black and Ricochet work in tandem to send Rusev rolling out to floor. The heels all jump off the apron and, when Aleister feints a dive into a backflip, his teammates join him in sitting cross-legged in the center of the ring like it’s story time at Jushin Liger Elementary School.
Once action resumes, Ali is goaded outside by Rusev and a distraction by Nakamura allows him get the upper hand before tagging the third man in the match to get “name dropped,” Andrade. Quick tags see Rusev holding Ali for a Nakamura Enziguri, Andrade trying to impress the prospective father-in-law with some chops, and back to the Bulgarian Brute for a big bear hug. Rusev turns Ali inside-out with a clothesline and knocks his partners off the apron with a double. Ali uses a tornado DDT to tag in Aleister Black as Rusev reaches Andrade.
Sliding knee strike and a moonsault gets a two count when Rusev and Nak break it up. Ricochet sends them out of the ring with a double dropkick off the top. The One and Only follows them out and moonsaults off of the barricade onto Rusev but is taken out by a Kinshasa to the back of the head. Black Mass takes Nakamura off the apron. Andrade rolls Black up with a handful of tights but only gets a two count. Feint kick back elbow by El Idolo sends the Dutch Destroyer back into his own corner. Ali tags himself in, avoids a charge, and hits a reverse Frankensteiner that plants Andrade directly onto the top of his head. Distance dictates that Ali hits a forward facing 450 but it’s plenty enough for the win.
Your winners by pinfall… the team of Aleister Black, Ricochet, and Ali!
No sooner does Ali get his hand raised then he takes an RKO from outta nowhere! The Viper’s music plays him off but… a wild Kevin Owens appears! A stunner for Rusev and he walks out in Randy Orton’s wake as Nakamura and Lana try to rouse Rusev.
Kayla Braxton gets a few words from The Usos. They give a word up to new champ Kofi Kingston before saying that they NEED to win (not just retain.) In all these years, they’ve never face The Hardys and want that prestige.
In the ring, R-Truth and Carmella want Brooklyn to make some noise! Not only did Becky Lynch become double champion… not only did Kofi Kingston become new WWE World Champion… not only did they hold the world’s largest seven-second dance break… but Carmella defeated Andre the Giant in the Royal Rumble match…??? Carmella corrects him and brings up her Money in the Bank cash in last year, her title loss, the battle royal win, and big things in the future. This brings out Samoa Joe! A short exchange with R-Truth and the Coquina Clutch is locked in! Truth goes out and Joe grabs the mic. He says he’s the guy who put down Rey Mysterio in a matter of seconds and puts the entire locker room on notice that they could be next. But that may not include BRRAAAAUUNN!!!
The Monster Among Men, looking leaner and more jacked every week, comes down to the ring. Joe doesn’t back down but braun backs him up into a corner. He hits one big avalanche but eats a boot on the second. While Braun is stunned, Joe climbs up the turnbuckles to get a grip and locks in The Coquina Clutch! Braun goes down to a knee but flattens Joe against the corner. He goes for the powerslam but is too weakened and Joe slips out, taking the US title belt with him to the back.
As Braun leaves, new WWE Women’s Tag Team champions, The IIconics, come out. They offer an awkward double handshake to him but he just stares for a moment and walks off. The Make Up Mean Girls annoy the crowd, even the ones holding up Aussie flags, like only they can. They say that they will be fighting champions, anytime and anywhere, and they’ve arranged to hold their first defense against the 45-0 Brooklyn Belles, Kristen and Karissa. Corey Graves’ commentary on their names alone is worth the watch.
The IIconics vs The Brooklyn Belles for the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship
Former Smackdown GM, Paige, is shown watching from the back as the IIconics hit some double team kicks and pose. Peyton Royce holds Karissa (probably?) in an impressive inverted foot choke before sending her into the corner and tagging out. Kristen (most likely) tags in and immediately rushes Peyton on the apron before going for a quick roll up on Billie Kaye. Billie responds with a kick out and big boot that flattens her. Billie tags Peyton before hoisting probably-Kristen into place for a Peyton knee strike to the head. 1-2-3 and the first title defense of the IIconic Era is successful.
Your winners by pinfall… and still WWE Women’s Tage Team Champions… The IIconics!
The audacious Aussies celebrate like they’ve just won the AFL Grand Final but Paige is unimpressed and tells Kayla Braxton so.
Her comes the money! Shane McMahon is here with his “Best in the World” trophy (courtesy of Crown Jewel) and his fresh black eye (courtesy of his Wrestlemania match vs The Miz.) Despite his victory, a fifteen-foot superplex from Miz has him doing his trademark shuffle a bit gingerly. He lists the great Wrestlemania moments from Sunday and says that they’re all courtesy of his ability to draw. He gives the crowd the go-ahead to chant for “Mr Miz” George Mizanin and the “You de-serve it,” for getting punched by the 68-year-old. Shane pulls Greg Hamilton into the ring to address his subpar “Best in the World” announcement. He drags him around the ring and up the ramp, making him repeatedly attempt to do it perfectly. Once he succeeds, Hamilton is dismissed to his position at ringside and Shane heads to the back.
We get a replay of Elias’ run-in with The Undertaker at RAW. Elias gets the rub from getting laid out by two legends on consecutive nights. I’m sure his stock is soaring as a result.
The Usos vs the Hardy Boyz for the Smackdown Tag Team Championship
Matt and Jey to start out and Matt quickly gains control, tags in Jeff and they hit a dual back elbow before the tandem elbow drop/front-flip leg drop. Jey drives Jeff into the Uso corner and Jimmy tags hit to hit slaps and chops. Jeff gets control back and brings him to the Hardy corner to tag in Matt as they go to work on Jimmy’s left arm and shoulder. Jimmy headbutts his way but is backed up by Matt’s right hands. He backs up right into his brother’s tag, though. There’s a bit of a miscommunication but Jimmy hits a Samoan Drop on Matt and now-legal Jey scrambles for the cover. Jey tosses Matt out of ring and Jimmy goes to work on him as the ref backs up Jey. Jey is then allowed back outside to run Matt into the barricade and back into the ring. Jimmy is tagged back in and Matt is sent pillar to post before The Usos tag again to hit a backbreaker/throat chop maneuver. Matt tries to fight out but Jey hits a back suplex and tags again so both of Kish’s boys can whip the elder Hardy chest first into the turnbuckles.
Jimmy smiles and invites a crawling Matt to try to make it to his corner but grabs his hand before he can tag and stomps on it. He drags Matt to his feet and goes for a right hand but the punch is blocked. Matt fires back and attempts a Twist of Fate. Jimmy blocks it but Matt transitions it into a DDT.
Both men reach their corners and Jeff is fresh as spring laundry. He knocks down Jey and hits the inverted Atomic Drop/low dropkick combo. His next kick is caught and tossed away. Jeff tries to do the same to Jey but he spins through to hit a leaping roundhouse. Jey tags in Jimmy but is tossed to the opposite ringside by Jeff. Jimmy lands a few shots but misses a Whisper in the Wind attempt. Jeff’s got too much practice to miss his but only gets a two count. Matt’s tagged in and Jimmy get Poetry in Motion before a Side Effect for two. Hardys tag again but Matt’s Twist of Fate is escaped and superkicked away. Jeff gets a school boy for two but also gets a superkick. Jey has recovered and gets the big splash off of the top for two after he’s tagged. Usos are in disbelief but have one last rabbit in their hats. They climb to opposite turnbuckles but Matt slows down Jey. It’s all that’s needed. Jeff rolls out of the way. The Usos crash and burn. Twist of Fate and Swanton Bomb on Jimmy Uso!
Your winners by pinfall… and NEW Smackdown Tag Team Champions… The Hardy Boyz!
Matt celebrates with his family at ringside for a moment before they return to the ring to speak with Kayla Braxton… but out comes Lars Sullivan! Jeff takes the Freak Accident and Matt is slammed hard before taking a diving headbutt from Lars. The new champs are left in the ring as The Freak leaves for the back.
The monitors read, “The Man,” and the crowd chants along with the music as the RAW champion, the Smackdown champion, and the people’s champion makes her way down to the ring. A quick recap of Becky Lynch’s win at Wrestlemania plays for us and, when it’s over, the fans are still singing with what Becky Two Belts (as she’s known in Brooklyn) describes as the voices of angels. She says that she’s had a pretty big week, beating Ronda Rousey and Charlotte Flair to become the first ever women’s double champ. She tried to celebrate on Monday but Lacey Evans got in the way.
The scuffle reminded Becky that she’s carrying around two big, shiny targets and she’s going to be pulling double duty. She says, to bring it on because she’s gone through hell to get the titles and she’ll give hell to anyone who tries to take them away. On her way up the ramp, she turns around just in time to get floored by a Woman’s Right from Lacey Evans. This one rocks her a lot harder than Monday Night’s and Becky is still struggling to get her feet underneath her as Lacey walks off.
The New Day vs The Bar & Drew McIntyre
Everyone is in the ring and ready to start when the ska style superstar, Sami Zayn, makes an entrance. The fans applaud Sami as he’s about to speak but he decides that they’re not worth it and tells them so before a mic drop.
Underway, Sheamus immediately powers Xavier Woods onto the top turnbuckle but Xavier manages to duck, dodge, and dip under other offense to hit a rolling elbow and push Sheamus into the New Day corner for a tag to Big E. Big E rams himself shoulder-first into Sheamus’ midsection before tagging Kofi in to hit a leaping takedown. Arm wrench and another tag brings in Xavier again with a double ax handle. Sheamus bulls him up against the ropes and, when the ref backs him off, Cesaro snaps Xavier across the top rope. He’s a sitting duck for Sheamus who clotheslines him over the top and out to the floor. Drew McIntyre is tagged in and he snatches Xavier up for an inverted Alabama Slam, sending him face-first into the announce table!
Sometime during the non-picture-in-picture commercial break [angry face emoji,] Big E gets himself tagged into the action and is hitting the big belly-to-belly trifecta and 300lb splash on Cesaro. E gets a full head of steam to spear Cesaro off the apron but the Swiss Cyborg gets his knee up in time to blast him in the face. Cesaro goes up top for a cross body but Big E manages to control… some of it, and the both make it to the mat safely with big E scrambling for an unsuccessful pin attempt. He gets Cesaro up for the Big Ending but he slips out, boots him in the face, and tags Sheamus. Big E turns around to take on Cesaro who ducks and leads him right into a pump knee strike from the Celtic warrior. Big E gets hoisted up by Sheamus as Cesaro ascends the corner and they spike him down with an assisted White Noise. Xavier Woods breaks up the pin and throws cesaro out to the floor but is caught by Sheamus with a spinning backbreaker.
Sheamus gloats and goes for the Brogue Kick but Big E recovers enough to take him out with a clothesline. Kofi’s on the apron and Big E makes the tag! Kofi flies and splashes across Sheamus’ back as he tries to get to his feet. Cesaro gets to the apron and Kofi boots him off. Kofi sets himself to give Sheamus Trouble in Paradise but sees Ceasro recovering. The WWE World champion hits a Fosbury Flop onto Cesaro before Sheamus tries to drag him back into the ring with a handful of pigtails. Kofi backs him off with a kick. He goes for Trouble in Paradise again but gets caught and lifted overhead! Kofi manages to slip out though, hit the ropes, and third time’s a charm for Kofi. 1-2-3 on Sheamus.
Your winners by pinfall… The New Day!
Kofi and his teammates bring his wife and sons into the ring to celebrate with Brooklyn as we go off the air.
Final thoughts:
A lot of the same pieces shuffled around from Monday Night RAW.
I have concerns about Lars Sullivan. Hopefully, he’s handling his mental health issues and will be a big contribution to which ever show he ends up on. However, in two nights, he’s been pushed at the expense of The Hardys, The Usos (who the Hardys had just beaten,) and, because Lars dominated Kurt Angle (who had just made Baron Corbin scream and tap out,) the Corbin win at Wrestlemania, all the heat he’s built up, and the best promo work he’s done thus far is diminished, too. Five for one. That’s some pressure on the big boy.
Lacey Evans finally pays off, it seems. This is actually a good time to introduce her. If she’s ready to go, it’ll establish her. If she’s really not, it will be a good feed for the “champ champ.”
Surprise! The whole thing wasn’t to turn the Miz face. It was to establish Shane as a jerkwad heel figure. With the brand split seemingly safe for now, that might be Best for Business TM.
I do have concerns as to Kofi Kingston’s championship run. I don’t think that, if it had been Mustafa Ali, it would have caught fire and resulted in a Wrestlemania win. It has been a feel-good moment and fortunate break for a very talented and really good guy. A good fit? I hope to be blown away and surprised but I’m not all in. Not yet.
